Something Stupid and Random

A Simple and Realistic Problem

Chlorette stood in the far corner of her octagonal room.  Opposite her is her bed, hanging off of the wall.  The feet of the bed had been nailed on the wall for years.  The nails didn't really serve a purpose though, because gravity is messed up in that side of her room.  On her bed lay the source of her discomfort.  Picking up her five-foot-long cell phone, she called up her friend, Ahxd.

On the other side of the world, Ahxd sat in his study, reading the instructional manual on how to read.  Suddenly, his land-line began to cough.  At first it was a dainty little cough, but then it worsened, raising in pitch and volume.  Before his roof could be blown off from the force of the coughing, Ahxd quickly answered the phone.

"'Hello?  Who goes there?" He asked with a suspicious tone.

"Ahxd!  You left your pet skunk at me house!  It keeps pooping in my bed!"  The voice belonged to none other then Chlorette.

Ahxd breathed a sigh of relief when he recognized who it was.  "I'm in the middle of reading something very important.  I'll call you back later when you can bring it over."

"Wait!" She halted his dismissal with her frantic voice.  "I can't bring it over because I have a rod stuck in my arm."

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Ahxd replied.  "How did that happen?  Were you blowing up stop-signs again?"

Slightly sheepish, she answered with "No, not this time.  I was taking my favorite one to go get ice cream when I slipped on a person and, well, it just happened."  Remembering the point of her call, she continued.  "Now come get your skunk!"

"Wait a minute, you mean Klorissa?!  I was going to take her out tonight to a hot dog stand!"  His idea of a romantic date with a stop sign is now shattered.

Before Chlorette could respond, a noise alerted her to the bed across from her.  Face-palming, she ignored his agony in favor of another problem.  "Oh great, now the skunk's in labor!"

Ahxd, however, couldn't bear to think of anything except his dear, dear Klorissa.  "I just met her on-line and she has this beautiful flowing hair and soul-piercing eyes!  When I found out she lived with you I was overjoyed!  Finally I could meet her!  And I did, but now I'll never take her on that date."  He broke down crying at this point, not listening to Chlorette's feeble attempts to bring him back to reality.

"Your skunk is giving birth, Mister!  Please retrieve it from my house now!"  In the back of her mind, she knew that moving it probably isn't the best option at this point, but it didn't matter because Ahxd wasn't even paying attention.

He continued to bawl out his eyes.  Angered by his lack of cooperation, Chlorette stormed out of her room and out to her backyard where she keeps her storm generator.  Flipping a switch, the gear started to move, making a clanking sound that didn't appease the ears.  After a minute or two, a storm began to generate above her.  She set it to maximum to show her complete rage at him, and when the storm was fully grown up, she sent it over to Ahxd's house.  Before sending it on its way, however, she wrote a note expressing her feelings and tacked it to a piece of hail.

Once it reached him, he heard the thundering in the sky and the ramming of the hail as it landed on his roof.  Eventually, one finally crashed through, landing in front of him.  Thinking it was a letter from his dead stop-sign girlfriend, he opened it with glee.  When he was finished staring at the note, he realized he couldn't understand the weird inscriptions.

Leaving the safety of his torn house, he raced over to his Uncle Cousin's house across the street, hanging onto the note for dear life.  Beating relentlessly on the door, he stood out in the ferocious storm that glared at him with dark clouds.  After an hour, Cousin opened the door slowly, smiling down at his nephew, oblivious to the chaos above him.

"How may I help you, youngster?" Cousin asked.

"Why did it take you so long to open the door?  And can I come in?"  Ahxd is drenched at this point, shirt tattered by the force of the rain, pants feeling heavy.

Cousin chuckled to himself.  "I was brushing my teeth."  He smiled, showing off his pearly-whites.  Despite the lack of sunlight, a glimmer of light reflected off of the teeth.  Stepping aside, Cousin allowed Ahxd to enter his small home.  The younger of the two happily found himself a towel to sit on as he relaxed on the couch.

"So, how may I help you?" Cousin asked him, sitting across from him on his aluminum chair.

Ahxd fumbled around in his pocket, pulling out the note (which he had placed in the pocket while waiting) that managed to survive the storm, which is still going on.  "I can't read this note, can you tell me what it says?"  He handed the note to his uncle, who put on his reading glasses and narrowed his eyes at the small sheet of paper.

"To paraphrase, someone named Chlorette is extremely vexed with your behavior and demands that you collect a labored skunk from her house."

Ahxd blinked.  "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.  She could have called me, but instead she had to talk about my dead girlfriend."

Cousin chuckled again.  "Was it a stop-sign?"

"Yeah."  Ahxd smiled sadly at the memory.  Briefly in his mind, a montage of his time spent with Klorissa played itself for him.

Cousin leaned back, understanding his predicament.  "Ah yes.  I once went there with a yield sign.  It didn't work out well."  He shook his head at the memory, his own montage playing for him.

Standing up, Ahxd knew he had to go prepare his Private jet to fly over to Chlorette's house.  "Thank you for your wise words and help."  He took the note back and left, sprinting across he street and over to the wreckage that used to be his home.  Luckily for him, a book still remained from his library, titled "How to Build a House".  Unfortunately, his how-to-read manual had perished in the storm, so the book is useless.

Chlorette had long-since hung up her phone and retreated back into her house.  She waited in her living room for Ahxd to arrive and do what had to be done.  She ended up falling asleep in her armchair, waiting.  After ten hours, Ahxd finally arrived, landing and crashing into her neighbors empty house.  He raced out and knocked gently on Chlorette's front door.  The quiet sound awoke her up instantly.  She opened the door to reveal the answer to her problems, and the cause.  She let him in, somewhat bothered still by the noises in her room.

"Finally, took you long enough," she grumbled, shutting the door behind him.

"Sorry, I had to make a stop at the corner of your block to say hi to Klorissa's twin sister."  He then spotted the rod sticking out of her arm.  Tears welled up in his eye (his left eye is way more sensitive than his right), but he forced himself not to get sidetracked.

Mumbling words of annoyance to herself, Chlorette led Ahxd to her room, showing him the nice little family on her bed.  "Remove," is the one word she stated as she pointed at the skunks.  Ahxd trotted over, studying the skunks, figuring out the best way to take them home.

"By the way," Chlorette began, "I built a teleporter for you to use to take the skunks wherever you want."  Not bringing up the fact that she could have used that in the first place, he nodded.  After scooping up the skunks one by one and taking them to the teleoporter (which he set to take them to Uncle Cousin's house), he stepped inside himself.  After waving good-bye to his bitter friend, he shut the door and waited for her to activate it.  When she did, he felt a strange feeling as he was conveyed through dimensions and finally ended up at his uncle's house.

Weeks later, Ahxd sat in the study of his newly-built home, reading a picture book.  His phone began to sneeze, and he, used to the habit, answered it quickly.  "Hello?  Who dares to call me?"

"Ahxd!  Klorissa is still alive!" Chlorette told him with anticipation.

A surprised look graced his features as he stood up dramatically.  After hanging up the phone, he yelled to no one in particular "Hold on Klorissa!  I'm coming!"  After feeding his pet skunks, he quickly left for Chlorette's house, a whole new adventure ahead of him.