Introducing Me (Left)

Nephew

Kids are great if you want to hear dirty jokes they don't get. My nephew was being a little shit and wouldn't stop kicking the table. Here's how it went, I gave him warnings first.
Me "If you don't stop I will tie your feet to the chair."
Him "Yay! Then I can't go to school."
Me "Oh no you'll still go."
Twin "It'd be kind of hard to sleep with wood don't you think?"
Him "Yeah it would slap you in the face." We had to try and hide our giggles so he didn't ask what we were laughing at. He's 8.

Also guess who got into another college? Whoop whoop that's right, this guy. 3 accepted and I just applied for one more. Also I just wrote out so much I've never told anyone and admitted it to all of my friends on Instagram. I felt great about it for a couple days but today has been kinda shitty. You know that feeling where you just feel like you're going no where in life and as much as you want to change that you can barely get yourself to move? Yeah today is a bad day for me.

I suppose watching a superhero show isn't the best thing for it. We all have that save the world mentality but sometimes the only people we can help are ourselves. Maybe you help a friend, sibilant, family member, anyone but that sense of pride you get when you feel like you've helped someone is amazing. Thing is you don't always know you have. We all have our own little secret lives and don't always share what goes on. One night I stayed up till 5 am to try and stop a random dude on an app from killing himself. As far as I know he's still alive. That's one thing I can remember and feel proud of but that doesn't mean there aren't other times I've made someone smile and that's it's own accomplishment. We all want to help people but at the end of the day it's in the little ways. Taking time to reply to a message you get from someone you barely speak to. Replying to a post or whatever just to say congratulations or happy birthday. Complimenting someone's bag because they're in the same hogwarts house as you. Little things that I think about if someone ever does something like that for me. Everyone focuses on the big things.

That rant probably came from the depressed part of my brain that wishes the world was different but oh well. It's kinda soppy but I don't wanna keep stuff in anymore. I wanna be normal. I wanna feel stuff like normal people, even if it's never gonna happen. I'm asexual, aromantic and I have PTSD. Yes the three may be related but doesn't mean they definitely are. Media has taught me my entire life I should have crushes on people or want to date people but I just don't. I would rather feel the pain of heartbreak that be called a robot but I guess it's who I am. Yes I still ask myself what's wrong with me sometimes but at the end of the day the answer is a lot. That doesn't mean I'm know me though. I mean one of my dogs like to flip the food and water bowls upside down but we still love him. He also licks windows, I dunno man.

I don't know where this chapter is going and honesty I'm too lazy to change it so who cares if I regret it later. If these are brain farts then they're better out than in.

Anyway, back to more important things. So I did actually confess that I have ptsd, am scared to go to school and see my Dickhead of a father when I close my eyes. I mainly got sympathy but a lot of people reached out to me and I'm thankful to them for that.

More importantly, I promised some funny stories so let's have a think. One of my friends didn't realise that "double A" and "AA" batteries are the same thing until she was 11.

This is really short and I'm sorry for that but I'm out of it and distracted and loads more so I'm going to finish it here. It's not like people really care about this anyway. I haven't even got the patience or energy to proof read it. I'm just done for the day so peace. Header image is me and my nephew.