Introducing Me (Left)

Just My Luck

So I had a Christmas party to go to. It was for kids in this abuse system or whatever but traffic was so bad what should've taken us like 2 minutes down the road took about a half hour. It was honesty ridiculous. My mother and twin decided instead to stop off at Lidl and buy a shit ton of cheese twists. I'm really disappointed because we didn't get to go and I was looking forward to it. My brother's girlfriend did my makeup and put curls in my hair and shit and I actually look okay. I was also supposed to get a present and I'm human so I wanted free shit. If we'd have been ready earlier and left earlier it may not have been a problem but we had to go to a meeting at the school to discuss support and whatnot. We've got our mock exams over the next couple weeks. Honestly I don't care.

Mitch and mum decided to take the backroads home, where there just so happens to be more traffic, rather than wait two minutes to go down a clear road. Fml. I'm the smart one here but no one listens to me. On the bright side I got three more writing notebooks yesterday. I swear I was so excited for hours. Then later I started listening to this one playlist of 14 songs on repeat. It got to like 2 am and I just wrote. It was pretty shit but I thought it was kinda funny so posted it. If you wanna know what it is it's the first chapter of my Bechloe short stories thing. Basically it's a Spidey Beca chapter but Beca has the same humour as Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man. It's a load of shit and completely different to what I wanted to do with the chapter so I may write another with the same picture but it was funny. I can be way too serious when I write so it was nice to change that.

Random story but when I did my work experience last summer it was a time when the greatest showman was somehow more popular than it is now. Working in a primary school they can watch stuff over and over again and not get bored. Funny thing, they sung one of the songs in their assembly. I couldn't believe it. I went to a catholic primary school so had to stick with hymns. Although, one time we did sing the theme song from friends. Only my twin and I knew the words.

Lately I've taken more of an interest of mental health related stuff. I bought three semicolon related necklaces and fandom stickers. Three from the 100 and one from Buffy. They are awesome and I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. I also did my mandatory public speaking project on suicide in front of my whole class. That's how some of them found out I'd attempted.

So just to clarify these are the times for our attempted night out. Left at like 5:00 pm. Finally got home at 6:23 pm. Fml. It's ridiculous. On the bright side, we did get to have a jam session to pink's raise your glass. It was a lot of fun.

Quote from twin:
"If Halloween is Gay Christmas, that means Christmas is Gay Halloween." Why did I get stuck with this?

Right so funny story. One time I was taking these meds for headaches and I tried one for the first time at school. It's a beta blocker and for part of the next couple hours I felt like I was choking and gonna fall asleep. When that eventually wore off people though I was high because I got the giggles. I don't completely know what happened but someone mentioned something about age and I turned to the person next to me and said,
"I'm 420." I found that hilarious and everyone else in the prefect room was just laughing at my laughter. I felt like shit though.

Final little rant. So as you may be able to guess by now, I'm a twin. Some of you may understand if you have siblings and stuff but I always feel like Mitch is the favourite. My entire life people have compared us and they always seemed to come out on top. It's tough to keep fighting when you have that. So growing up our Dickhead of a father seemed to favour Mitch. I was never good enough especially not compared to our apparent angel of an older brother. Then you come to now. Ever since our father has been out of the picture mum seems to just gravitate towards Mitch. I know it may sound crazy but it's just little things. I know I sound stupid for believing these things but it's not just the mental issues it's the truth. For example, when I went in for a mock exam last week and asked for no reward. Come to today, I was supposed to go in first thing to do two exams I'd rescheduled. I was in pain when I woke up so waited until mum woke upend told her, I let her sleep because I know she has trouble sleeping too. Afterwards I went back to sleep. A little while later mum comes in and tried to bribe me to go in by buying me kfc. I told her it wasn't going to work but in the end gave her money to pay for mine, fair enough right? I was also told that Mitch was paying for theirs so it was only far. Nigh comes down later and tells me that they offered mum money but she refused it and I shouldn't have a go at her for that. Now hold up, I've been lied to. I didn't need a bribe to get me to go in last week I'm just trying my best day by day. I know it's stupid and petty to write any of this but I'm only human. Shit like this has happened my whole life and a counsellor told me to stand up for myself. I'm trying to but it just doesn't seem to be working.

For anyone thinking it's a one time thing, when we lived in Florida Mitch and I took a couple of the same classes just at different times. When the algebra exam scores came back, Mitch got the highest 100% out of anyone. I got 100% too but I guess that didn't matter. Then geometry wasn't a big deal because I did better. It's just been that way my entire life and it's hard.

The final example. During our final week in Florida we went to Orlando for a holiday. One day our father was taking Mitch to target to get a swimming costume, that was it, and offered if I wanted to come. I didn't want to spend any time with him if I didn't have to and I had a swimming costume. Several hours later they come back and they went to a few different malls. Mitch got loads of new stuff meanwhile I wasn't allowed to buy anything because we didn't have any room left in our cases. It was bullshit and had I have gone I might've gotten some stuff too. Not that much of a big deal on its own, right? A few days before Mitch had liked this fancy watch that was like a thousand dollars I believe. I didn't want to spend so much on something materialistic. My father has always had a thing for watches and eventually agrees to pay for most of it and it will be Mitch's birthday present. I wanted a camera instead because I was taking photography as a gcse. Comes to our birthday and I did get my camera thanks to my mum. I also found out that my father wanted to get a cheaper one since it was just a camera or something.

So just a few little things that make me feel worse about myself sometimes. Now I prefer to hang out with my brother and his girlfriend because well I can have an actual conversation with them and not feel like the bad guy most of the time. I'm trying.

Right so now to the lighthearted stuff. I got a letter from my most preferable college and have an interview setup. I also had a fun conversation with Mitch. I picked up my Xbox controller.
Me: "Arlo's had a go at this."
Mitch: "Might've been Jayden." (Our nephew)
Me: "There are teeth marks."
You may not find that conversation funny but I did so here it is.

Awesome things: we currently have a very pregnant Luna who keeps nesting in my room so fun times.

Finally, the header image. I posted it on Instagram and got some very interesting replies so thought I'd try it out on here too. I haven't got the energy to read through this and check for mistakes. Peace out and thanks for reading.

Update:
Mum gave me the ten quid back.