Do I Wanna Know? (Troyler) [ON HOLD]

Therapy

I walked into the night, pulling my jacket closer to my body. I needed to get out. I hadn't done anything but walk, work, and eat all week. L.A is full of clubs and parties, but they just never seem fun unless I'm high or drunk. It's sad when your "friends" even say your boring unless you're on something.

I do need to be a bit social though. At least that's what my therapist said. I go to a therapist every month so I can talk about what's happening in my life. I mostly just sit and stare at the ground until my therapist tells me I can leave and gives me goals for the month. This months goal was to go to a social event at least twice before the month is over. I have to go see her in a week and I haven't been anywhere "social" at all. She says being with people can help me get better but I just want to be alone. Being alone means no pressure to speak or do something at all. But being alone also means thoughts, flashbacks, and crying.

I'm not usually as bad as I've been lately. I usually can sleep a little and I was clean for months but then Carter left again so I was alone. Carter used to be my boyfriend but he said I was too much to handle and he needed to leave for a while. That was five months ago. Carter usually comes back after a while, but I don't think he's coming back this time. I miss him a lot. But i don't miss the fights, screaming, and hitting.

When Carter got mad when he wasn't home he would come back either high or drunk. He would yell at me and would call me names and one time he hit me. Things got worse as time went on. But, at the present I don't think Carter is going to come back. When he's gone I usually spend my nights at clubs to get sex and drugs. One night stands have become a coping mechanism for me. I duck into my car and flipped on the heat. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I text one of my "friends" Zander, and asked him what parties were going on tonight. Me and Zander used to be best friends, but he doesn't really talk to me anymore. The only time we talk is when I need to know where our group is hanging out tonight.

Waiting for his reply, I drive back to my apartment to change into a better outfit. I jog up the many flights of stairs to my door. I walk in and head to my room to change. Zander finally texts me the club and I put on some cologne and head out into the night for some, hopefully, fun.