Random bnha lemon one shots (trust me when i say random)

Iida x Hit or Miss girl (nyannyancosplay)

As Iida was stealthily browsing the internet, searching for cute traps or lolis to use his new candy with the special ingredient, chloroform, on, he discovered the hellhole that is Tiktok. He was interested in this one cosplayer that went by the username: nyannyancosplay. He thought it was one of those newfangled anime girl traps that these young ones have been talking about on facesnap and instablr. 

"I must know more about this person," Iida thought as he was still believing his stupid assumption that this person was a male. 

Iida decided to message nyannyancosplay, while being extremely horny, after he had seen the greatest masterpiece of his entire life.

"Hit or miss, I guess I never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend I bet he doesn't kiss ya. (mwah) He gon' find another girl and he won't miss ya. He gon' skrrt and hit that dab like Wiz Khalifa."

There was so much tension in the air as Iida was awaiting a response from his new idol. He wanted to be like her. He wanted to be her. But only on weekends,since it would be pretty weird if he walked into class looking like a pinky nico nico grand thotticus with fugly ass hair.

"Hello?"

Iida had read the response over and over and over and over and over again. He was obsessed. He needed to formulate the perfect response or else he would ruin his chances with the girl of his dreams, though he did not know that it was a girl, because you never know these days. Traps, traps everywhere, I tell you.

"I WANT YOU AND I TO BECOME ENGAGED IN THE ACTION OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND I WANT TO 'SMASH' YOU, AS THESE NEW MILLENNIALS SAY OFTEN. I FIND THAT EVERY INCH OF YOUR BODY IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT MARRY ME NOW." 

The cosplayer was absolutely smitten when she read his reply. There was no hesitation when she started typing the perfect response to Iida's perfect text.

"Oh yes I accept your marriage proposal, xXpu$$yd3$tr0y3rXx. My address is תחנת דלק פז עין עבדת. Please come over as soon as possible."

Iida jumped at the possibility of meeting his newest victim, but before he could literally jump at the opportunity and over to where nyannyancosplay had said she lived, she texted him one more thing. 

"How about you send me a lil' picture just so I can see what kind of cutie I'm dealing with ;)"

Just at that moment, Shigaraki just fell from the ceiling again, that crusty, clumsy ass motherfucker I hate him. For the plot's sake, nyannyancosplay didn't hear the loud ass thud from when the boney fucker that is Shigaraki crashed into the ground, probably breaking a couple of bones. Its ok though, nothing that happens to him will compare to the emotional pain that was caused when he tripped and broke a nail right after he got out of the nail salon. Press F to pay respects, y'all. ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

As nyannyancosplay's deaf as fuck ass was awaiting a response from her new fiancé, she somehow didn't notice Shigaraki sneak up behind her and fucking murder her. 

"Wh-whoever you are...I-I...I'm not feeling so good"

"shit," Shigaraki whispered under his breath as he realized he needed a broom or vacuum or something to clean up that fucking weirdy weirdo. He found a swiffer wet jet and he related to it so hard as he was cleaning up nyannyancosplay's remains, because he was wet and ready to jet, if you get what I'm saying. 

Shigaraki looked down at the phone that was most likely previously being used by nyannyancosplay and saw that there was a new message to be read. He was immediately disgusted by the weird ass picture Iida had sent. What even is that angle, giiirrrllll? Seriously it was a forward perspective with a really low angle. He looked like a worm.

Shigaraki texted back, "Hehe, we could maybe meet up at the beach near my house," just so that he could unleash his inner personality of being one of many ♪pedos in speedos♪.

Iida had a guilty feeling, though it quickly subsided, since he looked at his calendar and saw that it was December 1st, so it was ok that he nutted like 27 times just thinking about drugging and killing- i mean meeting his newest victim- i mean idol in person.

"YES WE CAN MEET RIGHT NOW, AS I AM ON MY WAY TO YOUR ADDRESS AS I AM TEXTING YOU THIS. FEAR NOT, THOU WONDERFUL FIANCE, FOR I AM SIMPLY FLYING BY THE FORCE OF MY LEGS  AND NOT TEXTING WHILE DRIVING, THAT WOULD BE DANGEROUS."

Before that text even sent, Shigaraki heard some loud, furious knocking on the door. Then he got the text and it all made sense. Shigaraki hurried over to the door and answered in his most girly voice, completely forgetting to wear the nice, yellow sunhat with the flowers on top.

"TOMURA SHIGRARAKI!! ARE YOU NYANNYANCOSPLAY?"

"uh-"

But it was too late. Iida had reached out his hand at the speed of light and placed the towel soaked in chloroform over Shigaraki's breathing holes and he fucking wheezed in a breath of now ruined air. He was knocked out cold in a matter of seconds.

Iida picked him up, gently of course, and took him into the bedroom. He left Shigaraki on the bed as he went to lock the door. Iida turned back towards Shigaraki, somewhat laughing maniacally at what he saw before him. Then Iida ate him.