Mileven Stories

Don't Panic (1997)

This brilliant request, about Mike having a panic attack, came from the wonderful mind of breathless_writer ! Seriously, I cannot thank her enough for all of her support and intelligence.
- I may go back and edit this in two and a half weeks once my winter break begins, but I figured that regardless of how rough this turned out, at least it's something to hold us over! (:
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It's an unwelcome familiar feeling. The sense of dread creeping and crouching a weight upon one's shoulders. Maybe it's triggered by a family member saying something wrong, or it could even happen when one's favorite snack is not currently obtainable. It's that one subtle, insignificant event that somehow snaps that dangling thread of resilience.

Anyone who experiences panic attacks can display it in any number of unique ways. It could be shown in small bursts of rage that an individual throws for a weeks stretch of time.

For Mike Wheeler, panic attacks tended to only happen on rare occasions. He usually could anticipate when this annual occurrence was approaching. He actually found that one of his biggest fears was the idea that there would come a time where these moments of emotional drainage would eventually be enough to send his significant other packing.

However, Mike was proud to acknowledge that he hadn't felt overwhelmed with panic in quite some time. Things were going excellent, so well in fact that reality sometimes felt too euphoric to be real.

The year was a quarter of the way through and each day came with new beams of light. Like his and El's daughter, Willow, who was now a bouncing, bubbly nine month old baby.

Right now, it felt like nothing could knock him down. As long as El continued looking at him with immense passion as she confided in him about her successful case load and as long as Willow continued taking short steps, always getting closer to reaching the stars created to shine for her; then there could never be anything to set him back.

What Mike seemed to overlook was his work's ability to bring him down so low that he felt pathetic. It was a similar experience to being bullied by his childhood nemesis, only this time, he needed to suffer silently through these battles in order to continue providing for his family.

Ever since he had taken on the responsibility of being a full time writer that worked solely from home, stress never seemed to possess him as much. He was able to look after his daughter and accomplish a new chapter biweekly.

Everything felt right. Well, at least until he was contacted one Wednesday afternoon regarding his recently submitted final draft.

"Wheeler, I don't know what to tell you. We can publish this novel as it is since you seem to have full confidence in it. But I have to admit, it just feels lame. Three nerds searching for their fourth art inclined friend that went missing? I—", a representative from his publisher's office, Jack, went to continue degrading his hard work, but was interrupted by Willow's abrupt cries.

Mike could feel the repressed annoyance beneath Jack's aggravated sigh as he rapidly explained, "duty calls. Excuse me for a few minutes."

He overheard the greasy publishing dunce mutter something that sounded rather grotesque as he settled his squirming daughter into her indoor swing that rocked back and forth in a relaxing manner. Mike then danced his long fingers across his daughter's stomach which caused her cries to churn into a giddy fit of laughter. Another moment  later, he watched as Willow's honey brown eyes gave in to sleep.

The proud dad took a moment to bask in how fast he was able to soothe his briefly unhappy baby, but soon remembered what an unfortunate conversation he had just been having.