limerence.

𝙀𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙀𝙎 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉.

dear former lover.
i still defend your name like i am the one carrying it. whether it is positive or negative. i tend to be very overprotective when it comes to you, and i've accepted it. you will always be a part of my mind, my soul. and i am not sure if i'd change that. letting go is not something i openly support due to me being very naive when it comes to love (hence me staying by your side when i should've left). i did let you go though, physically, but i kept my memories of you very close. locking them into my heart, treating them as invaluable treasures. not letting go entirely of you is not all fun and games. it is not only enchanting memories of a very vivid love. it is also your words haunting me, crossing my mind now and then. turning their muffled whispers into loud anthems whenever i do something that would have made you heated. but it is also your words stroking my cheek telling me that they love me and that they punish me for a reason. telling me that their soft words turning into painful phrases has a reason (you deserve it). i've accepted it then and i do now. however, accepting it didn't mean i agreed with the way you treated me. i knew i did not deserve it, not at one point in our time together did i have the feeling that i deserved it. i accepted the fact that this was the way you treated me. hence me not saying that i accepted that that was who you were. i am still very certain that you are not like how you acted you were, and that is the reason why i stayed by your side for a long time. patiently, trying to understand what hurt you in such a way that made you treat me the way you did. i guess i wanted to be the person who'd made you change. that made you forget about everything that had torn you apart. i wanted you to feel loved. whether it was romantically or not. but i wasn't that person and i'm okay with that. i hope you find someone - whether that someone may be a significant other, a soulmate or even you - to heal whatever is hurting you. revenge may be sweet, but i prefer savoury.

with kind regards,

your former lover