limerence.

𝘾𝙍𝙔𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙇 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏

the thing about tragedies is that most of the time you do not see them coming. you wake up one day to chaos surrounding you. you leave the house in the morning and find that everything has changed upon your return. you throw the windows wide open and watch black smoke pour out, knowing something dreadful has happened. with her, though, everything was different. with her, one look was enough for him to know something huge was about to happen, that something extraordinary was heading his way. something that would leave him transformed, remade in a way he couldn't have imagined before he met her.

one look at her face, at the glint in her eyes, at the proud tilt to her chin and he knew he was done for. when their eyes met across the room, it was clear that there was no running away from this. that no matter where he went and which way he turned, it would always be her that would wait at the end of the road, waving at him, smiling that smile that could've competed with the stars. tt was foolish to run straight at her, knowing fully well what awaited them, but no matter how fast he went, he quickly realised that there was no escaping what was meant to happen.

like two cars on a collision course, the crash was inevitable. there was only one way for this to end: a battle of wills, a clash of skin and teeth and bones, and a goodbye of the most damaging kind. and yet he did not pull away. he did not pull away because he was drawn to catastrophes, to natural disasters, to accidents and bad luck and incidents that were momentous enough to change a life in a nanosecond. that is the thing about tragedies. most of the time you do not see them coming, but you do not know when everything will go back to normal, either. when you wake up one day and the right side of your bed is cold and you can no longer remember what it's like to feel warm.

you fell for someone before you met me. if i'm being honest, i am grateful to them for making you smile when i could not. however, there is a part of me that can't help but be filled with debilitating insecurity over a stranger. i wonder what you talked about. were you closer than you are with me? on late nights, did you plan out your futures together? did you want nothing more than to hold them in your arms? am i just a second choice when your first one didn't fall through? we grew up together over the years. the two of us were distant but still gently present in each other's lives. even if the leaves were falling and the heat of the summer sun left me, you never did.

she was your first love. someone who was so bright that light filled the room when she was with you. i am not her. the cloudy sky is what i am. on occasion the sun shines through, but it is mostly just gray. you said that she broke your heart and you're over her. despite it all, i know she is what crosses your mind when you are alone, when you lay awake at night, even when you're lost in a busy crowd. she was your first love. i hope she isn't your last.

she will always be the one.