Rowan: The EcoPan

The Discovery Of Eden

I sit on the cot, in the Elder Hall, looking straight ahead, unresponsive, rocking back and forth. Flame, Lachlan, Ash, Mom, Lark, and Rook are in the room.

"Rowan?" Flame asks again, shining a light in my eyes. I want to back away, giving her a disgruntled look, but I don't. Instead I just look into the light, empty. I don't think I ever truly knew what it meant to be the Ecopan until now. I didn't realize that when I gave a piece of my 'heart' I was also giving a piece of my consciousness-therefor some of my brain waves are gone. I shouldn't be alive. The Ecopan is the only thing keeping me alive, just like everyone else with lenses. Lachlan had no idea he had doomed me by convincing me to take the lenses.

And because some of my brain waves are gone I could have...damage. I'm finding that my damage is emotional. The Ecopan took a good chunk of my emotions, considering that's what it needed, humanity, and now I am left emotionally unbalanced and unstable.

"Rowan, if you can hear, me blink twice," Flame says. I glare at her. "Okay, I'm guessing that means you can hear."

"What is happening?" My mother asks. "How long has she been like this?"

Everyone's attention turns to Lachlan. Lachlan says, "She woke up screaming from a nightmare. She was screaming 'He killed them', or something like that-I'm not sure. I comforted her for a minute but then she went wild. She started screaming, and crying, promising that she wouldn't allow 'him' to do 'it.' I have no idea what she meant, but after a minute of that she passed out. Then she woke like this."

I watch Lachlan tell the story, and see the weird glances he gets from the others. For a moment I forget why they are raising their eyebrows and glaring at him, until Lark asks, "She was in your bed?"

"Yes," Lachlan says, blushing and clearing his throat, shifting his weight awkwardly. I feel Yarrow's attitude take over to make up for my lack of emotion, and I roll my eyes.

"Is this something to be concerned about or..." Ash's voice pipes up. Flames lips purse into a tight line as she looks me up and down.

"I'm sure it's nothing major, especially with her history," Flame says. "We'll just run some tests in a minute to make sure. In the mean time, try to get her to talk. Let's try to make this quick so we can all get back to our bikking mornings."

Flame leaves the room in a hurry. I'm not sure she will be able to live without caffeine for long. My mother gently touches my hand, and I look to her. Her loving touch makes me want to break down, but I force myself to stay strong. I take a deep breath against my emotions.

"Rowan, what happened?" Lark asks. I can hardly look at her perfect, innocent, face. So I don't. I don't look at her, instead I look at my short nails. I can talk, but I refuse to. I can't think of anything to say other than rants about the Ecopan, which would surely be considered nonsense.

They know a different side of the story than what Lachlan and I experienced. They think that when I tried to destroy the Ecopan it saw it's fate and as a last result, tried to attack me. Lachlan and I both know that isn't what happened. I willingly went with the Ecopan to save humanity...and now I fear I may have doomed it. Resolutely, I uncurl myself, and sit up straight, clearing my throat, trying to look attentive.

"It doesn't matter. Where's Flame? I want to get these tests done so I can go back to sleep." I almost want to cry when I say these words. I can't sleep. Aaron won't allow it. I never realized how much crucial sleep was for our mental health. I knew that sleep restored our body but I didn't think it restored our minds. I feel like I'm going insane! I haven't gotten a moment of rest, or peace, since becoming the Ecopan. All of my sleeps are interrupted.