Rowan: The EcoPan

The Brother Of Eden

"Bring me alcohol, peroxide, and and a stapler!" I call out. They hasten to get them. "Okay, Carnelian. Stay with me."

"What the hell are you going to do a stapler?" He wheezes.

"I need to get your wound closed," I pant. I can't lose him too!

"Oh, hell no!"

"Get any pain killer you can find in the medicine cabinet. And anything that might knock him out!" G rushes back with peroxide, which I push to the side, and alcohol. Rook comes back with the staples.

"Go get more towels, and something for him to bite down on," I tell G, trying to calm my breathing. I waste no time.

"Rook! Hold him down...sorry about this Carnelian." Without any warning to Carnelian I take the Alcohol and poor it into his wound. Rook holds down Carnelian as he screams. I can't leave the alcohol in...so I take a half bloody towel and stick it into his wound. Somehow he screams even louder. Rook holds him down. I repeat this process again, then G comes back with the cloth and stapler I asked for. I shove the cloth into his mouth and he bites into it.

I pour alcohol over the staples and the head of it. I take a deep breath, squeezing his wound shut, to the best of my abilities. I unhinge the stapler then staple his wound shut. It's messy but it's all I can do. I press the towel to his wound. Slow tears make there way down his face. Then, once his blood has started to clot, I poor peroxide over the wound. I pray to the earth that this will somehow work. To be honest, I don't think it will.

"Carnelian, are you still with me?" I ask. Rook puts pressure on the towel and wound as G rummages through the cabinets looking for a medicine that can clot blood faster. Carnelian is passed out. Maybe that's for the best.

"What now?" Rook asks.

"We wait," I respond.

"Rowan..." Rook looks at me. He thinks he's going to die too.

"I know," I whisper. There's a grave moment of silence.

"I'll make food," G says gently. I see the pity in her eyes and it's the first time I think I've seen any emotion in her at all. Rook and I stay sitting next to Carnelian. I take his hand into my bloody one.

"I can't bear the thought of going home without him safe," Rook says. "No body else was supposed to die."

"I can't bear the thought of going home at all," I whisper. Rook gives me a quizzical look. "Who am I without chaos, Rook? Who am I without pain and a price on my head? I don't know what it's like to live happily. Even the last three months in Harmonia, I was looking for a way to escape, always. Who will I be when this is done?"

Rook squeezes my free hand. "I don't know, Rowan."

"And when we get home...there's always these expectations. I'm supposed to be strong, and forgiving, and happy. Rook, I'm not happy. I'm not happy to be in Harmonia. I can't stand the way they all look at me! And Lachlan and Lark make it no better!"

"What do you mean?" Rook asks. I look at him and decide it's time to tell the truth.

"I do love Lachlan, Rook. But, I also love somebody else...Lark." I see his eyebrows shoot up.

"Oh. Lark?"

"Yes. And...I loved them before I was turned into Yarrow...but I was always able to push it to the back of my mind. I always had something more important to focus on." I swallow hard. "But now, I have nothing. Nothing I can really do that distracts me from them. Now I find myself thinking about it nonstop. Every act, every sway of the breeze, everything reminds me off the war raging inside of me. It is a beautiful thing to be loved...but it is also more painful than words can describe." I wipe a tear off of my face that I didn't realize was there until now.