Rowan: The EcoPan

The Journey Of Eden

"Where's the nearest hypertube?" I ask Carnelian.

"The one we used after rescuing Lachlan," He says looking around. He starts to walk more purposefully in a direction, Rook and I follow.

"Do you love my brother?" Rook asks. I look away. How do I answer that question?

"Everyone else seems to think so," I say looking around as I walk, pretending to be admiring the wilderness.

"But do you?" He questions. I finally look Rook in the eye.

"I love Lachlan." I say nothing more. But I also love Lark. Rook grins, nodding his head.

"Does Lachlan know?" I nod. "Well, that's good. Are you and him dating now?"

I burst out laughing at the thought. Dating? That word sounds so normal, so typical. How could a word so routinely used apply to Lachlan and I's relationship?

"No," I chuckle, then my face turns grim. "Unfortunately, I've found that loving someone isn't enough. Just because I love him back doesn't mean that everything's just uncomplicated all of the sudden. There's so much more to it than that...I've found that love has nothing to do with it."

"That can't be true," He says. "If you love each other it can be enough, especially now."

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say," I snap. We walk the rest of the way in silence. Finally, we pass Mira's garden and I see Carnelian's pace slow. He suddenly stops. Mira and a few other bodies are already in the garden.

"I have to see her." He strides quickly into the garden. I want to stop him, tell him it's not a good idea, but I don't bother. I know not to try to mend a broken heart. Carnelian walks through the lick foliage and into the garden, where he sees Mira's grave. She was buried earlier today. Three other head stones lay beside her where others have been buried. The few bodies they could find were retrieved and the people sucked into the nanosand have been rescued.

Carnelian takes a long time to stand several feet away, just staring at her headstone. The sun starts to come up and he kneels in front of her grave. I start to cry too. Slow tears make there way down my face. I've been so focused on my own pain, my own suffering, that I never stopped to truly mourn her yet. I haven't stopped to truly mourn anything that this war took. Suddenly, I feel such shame, and guilt, and grief, that I can't hold it back anymore. I fall to my knees silently sobbing.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore," I sob. I feel strong arms around me and I let my head dig into his chest. My breathing starts to slow and I become calm again, until I realize it's not Lachlan holding me. I wipe my tears and shift away from Rook.

"It'll all be clearer soon," Rook says, helping me to my feet. "But first, we have to get to Eden."

Those are words I thought I would never hear again. Carnelian nods, rising to his feet. I've never seen such strength in him. He's always been so shy and what others might interpret as weak, but now he has a strength. What's done is done. Now we must do what we can so it doesn't happen again. He truly understands that now, I'm not sure I do anymore.

"The hypertube is this way," Carnelian says, striding away from the garden, away from Mira. Just like last time, we jog for about an hour, the sun is now fully up, until Carnelian stops. Our surroundings look familiar. He piles the stones on top of one another again, then leans against the baby sapling. This time I don't bother warning him to be careful.

The rock splits and a cave forms, filled by an elevator. We step into the elevator and we start to go down. Rook looks amazed, and I have to admit, even after everything I still find technology to be marvelous. It's crazy to think of the last time I was in this elevator. Lachlan had dead Mira in his arms but he softly laid her down in the elevator, knowing he'd have to carry her a long time after. Lachlan didn't say a word to me, he just pulled me into his arms and pressed his lips to my brow. Just when I went to kiss him, thinking the moment would never end, the doors opened and we carried on like normal. It's crazy to think of how simple it was then. How is everything in my life just getting harder, and harder?