Rowan: The EcoPan

The Lily Of Eden

^^Lily- Celina Sinden
Lachlan storms out of his own room, closing the door softly. I wipe the tears from my face and bury the pain deep inside me, hiding it along with all the other agony I still endure.

"Would you like some tea? It was for Lachlan and I but it seems we'll have to talk later," she says, holding out a tray of tea. "I'm sorry about him, truly."

"It's me who should be sorry, isn't it?" I ask numbly, my arms limp at my side.

"No, it ought to be him, not us. He just has such a temper sometimes," she says, setting the tea tray down on the coffee table in front of the fire.

"But I remember when he didn't. I remember when he was a gentle, kind, loving young man who would have done anything to make me happy," I say, starting to choke up. "It was only a few days ago to me. How did I lose him so fast? How could he hate me after everything?" I can't even look at the painting. Lily sighs, gently sitting on the dusty couch next to the coffee table.

"He is a very easy man to lose," she mumbles, picking up a cup of tea. He wasn't though, I want to say."I suppose we both understand that about him."

"Do I deserve this?" I ask. "I know I ruined lives but...am I truly a monster? Did I do the wrong thing?"

"Hardly," she says so dismissively that it comforts me. "He would have done the same thing, any decent person would. I think the fact that he knew you did the right thing hurt worse. He knew the right thing to do was for you to leave him."

"Do you love him?" I finally blurt out, unable to resist myself. I have to know. Maybe the answer won't make a difference but I still have to know. She takes a deep breath and a small smile makes its way onto her lips.

"I do," she admits. "Truly I do. He's brought me so much comfort and stability over the years that I can't stop loving him. He's an amazing man and so much of me belongs to him, but I'm afraid that doesn't matter now."

"What do you mean?"

"Lachlan loved me when we were young, truly he did. But our relationship has always been...off. Even when we were young we didn't talk much. When I was sad he would dry my tears and I'd do the same for him when he needed it. When we were lonely we gave each other company. When we needed to be held we had each other. We were a support mechanism for each other while we both coped and mourned, which was nice...but it wasn't a true relationship. It was almost more like a trade deal in therapy form."

"And what now?" I ask. She sighs, looking into her teacup as if it has the answers.

"Now? Now we both have healed. There's nothing left for us in our relationship. The wounds have turned to scars that will never go away. No amount of support from Lachlan or I will change that. We have nothing left." She swallows, blinking quickly a few times to get rid of the tears in her eyes. "That's actually what I came here to say to him in the first place. I wanted to tell him that I think we'd both be better and happier separate. Besides, with you here now maybe he'll get the one he always really wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, he's still stuck as a boy. So much of him died when you left and now he's just carrying it around like dead weight. I imagine it's gotten a lot heavier since your return. What I'm saying is he never got over you. Despite everything, I know him well and I know he still wanted you. That's what caused the real fights. On occasion, he would..."

"He would what?" I ask.

"He would say your name in a moment of...passion," she says awkwardly. I grab the other teacup.

"Oh."

"Yes, I know. It didn't take long for me to realize he would always love you more than he could ever love me. At least I wanted to love Lachlan, even if I was still mourning. Either way, it doesn't matter now. I'm ending things in hopes of finding independence and eventual happiness...I pray he finds the same."