HER AND I, HIM AND HER, HIM AND I

GETTING BY

It has been about a month since I caught Sabrina on her knees deepthroating her drug dealer. I was still hurt but began to move forward. Sabrina had come back to the home once and I have asked her to leave. She missed our son so much and I know he missed her. We made an agreement for our son to be with her and her family when I was at work. It helped me save on childcare and I felt safe leaving our child with her knowing that her family were close by. I began to try to take my mind off of things by working out more and seeing some old friends.

I later found out from my brother that Twan and Sabrina were still hanging out and even dating now. I had saw some pictures on her facebook that had him and her at certain events together. I was still somewhat hurt but know I had to move on with life. I had stood by that woman while she was addicted to coke and held down the household when she could not offer any help. I was the faithful one and always thinking about us.

The food expenses were a little less since it was just me and my son. I slept pretty well in the bed alone. I had all the covers to myself and could snore without much interruption. I never really thought about hooking up with anyone at that time other than Sabrina.  I was just so busy and just did not want to spend the time getting to know someone. More weeks went by and I was still single and had not had any sex in about 4 months. I even thought to hit Dame up but since he was engaged I did not want to cross that line with him.

I decided to start to go out with some coworkers when my son was with his mother and her family. They convinced me to come out with them to some jazz, karoake and spoken word places around the city. I tried not to think too much about it but I was so damn stressed. One night while I was out I saw them together. I was driving back home from work and had to drive past the theater. I saw them walking out of the building holding hands. I must have been staring for a while because the car behind me blew the horn to let me know to go.

I got home that night so in my feelings. I tucked my son into bed and decided to watch some television. I scrolled through the channels but could not quite find anything. I then put the remote down and looked through some apps on my phone. I was so tempted to add Jack'd or Grindr back to my phone but decided against it.  I was just about to call it a night when I got a phone call.

"Hello", I said.

"Ummm....this Twan....."

"How the hell did you even get my number yo and why the fuck are you calling me?"

"Listen I did not call you on some bullshit but this call is about Sabrina."

"What about her?"

"Well we are at the hospital. She overdosed."

I sat up on the couch now.

"Is she ok?", I asked.

"She is fine now.  I called the ambulance just in time."

My heart was beating so fast. I know she did some fuck up shit to me but I still had feelings for her and she still was the mother of my child.

"What room is she in?"

"207....."

I did not let Twan finish whatever he was about to say. I grabbed my son and my keys. At this time of night the only person I could drop my son off to is my mother. She inquired about why I was out with him so late. I laid my son down in the spare bedroom and came back in the living room to explain to her that Sabrina was in the hospital due to an overdose.

"I told you that girl was no good", my mother said.

"Mom, please this is not the time. I am going to the hospital right now. Please just watch my son until I get back."

My mother sighed and said, "of course I will. Call me when you are on your way back here."

I headed out of her door on my way to the hospital. I was angry that bitch ass Twan had to be the one to call me to tell me about Sabrina being in the hospital. He had a lot of damn nerve to be there when he is the majority of the problem. He is her drug dealer. I hoped that Twan would control himself once I arrived. I would hate to have to fight him in the middle of the ER. I then became somewhat down. Maybe if I had of stayed with Sabrina I could have got her the help she needed. I quickly started thinking logically again. I needed to stop blaming myself for her mistakes.

I drove up to the hospital and got near the front desk. I let the receptionist know who I was there to see. She verified that Sabrina was in room 207 but the nurse, doctor and counselor were in there at the moment and I would have to wait a moment to be able to enter. I put both hands on my head and walked to the nearest seat and put my head down. I had made the drive so quickly I forgot how exhausted I was. I put my head up when I noticed that someone had sat beside me.  I looked up and there was Twan.

Not wanting to disturb the people who were in the waiting room. I kept my voice down as I said, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Twan looked at me surprised then said, "listen man, now is not the time for all of that."

"Save me the bullshit. You probably the one who dealt her those drugs anyway."

"Keep your damn voice down. I stopped dealing to her once we started getting serious", he said.

"Oh that makes you so much of a better person", I said sarcastically.

"Listen I know you are mad that you caught me and her that day but I did not even know that you existed until you walked in that day. Me and her were not serious at that time and I had only been to your apartment twice."

"Is there a point you are trying to make? Why are you even sitting near me anyway? There are plenty of seats elsewhere in the lobby."

"Well I was trying to be mature with you and talk man to man but I see that there needs to be two men having the conversation for that to happen", he said.

I looked him up and down and he did the same. I do not know what made me think so irrationally but looking at his whole body for the first time noticed that he was really good looking and clearly had a bulge in his pants that could not be ignored. I quickly turned my attention back to his face and was about to say something before I got interrupted by the nurse who told me that she was ready for visitors. I stood up and so did Twan. Although I did not want him to come to the hospital room, I had no control over her visitors.