Friends to Be Feared

Chapter 3: Alone

I dreamed of darkness, and pain. I dreamed of monsters with glowing eyes and sharp claws, tearing into me, shredding me. And beneath it all, a roaring emptiness, pulling me, taunting me. An cold ocean of nothingness. Images flowed past me, screaming, flames, pain, pain, pain. Then a face, green eyes, black hair, green changing to a glowing gold. Laughing, dancing, happiness. A dream. Sounds, talking. Different, harsher. More images. Trees, yelling, falling, running, "Sorcerer!"

I lurched awake. It took my brain a moment to process my surroundings. When I did I stifled a groan. I mean, I would have if I had any breath the stifle. I was breathing heavily, leaning against the cave wall with barely enough strength to hold my head up. At least my head was clearer this time. I vaguely remembered waking up before, but I remembered enough. Arthur hated me, was going to execute me. The knights were going to do nothing. And I remember the pain, the emptiness. My entire body ached as if I had just run a marathon, and the nothingness was still there. I now recognize that as the absence of my magic, it must still be there, I felt it for a moment last time I woke before the pain came. But right now all there was was emptiness. I decided to ignore that fact for the moment and looked around.

Lean and Elyan we're gone, Percival was sleeping, and it looked like Arthur was on watch. Gwaine wasn't on this patrol, I couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad thing, probably a bit of both. I didn't want him to see me like this and of all the knights; he would be the one to do something stupid, like punching Arthur in the face. The thought brought a smile but that quickly faded when my head decided to start pounding. I groaned, reaching up to clutch my head but as I was lifting my arms the horrid metal of the manacles brushed my face. The barest touch but it was enough.

I cried out, the pain in my head like a spike. That cold emptiness rearing up until I couldn't think, there was nothing. No one, nothing, no one, nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Like a mantra, over and over, nothing, no one, nothing, nothing, nothing. Alone.

Slowly I was able to start making out my surroundings, colors filtered in until they became things and faces. Sounds ever so slowly returning. Mouths forming words instead of unintelligible shapes. The pain dimmed enough for thoughts to form and the nothingness receded.

For now. I could still feel it, waiting, taunting, beckoning me. I tried to ignore it, focusing in front of me. Arthur, he was shaking me, making the metal chain hit my legs, bringing the emptiness closer. I couldn't stop the surge of anger coursing through me, didn't want to. He did this. My King, my friend, the one I always believed in, always protected; sacrificed so much for.

"Get off me!" I tried to scoot back but I was already pushed against the wall. He let go and moved back with other knights. Leon and Elyan were standing behind Arthur, soaking wet with equally wet firewood in their hands; looking confused but wary. Percival was sitting up, looking at me with something akin to guilt. He saw me looking at him and quickly averted his eyes down to the stone ground. That reaction confused me, I thought they all hated me by now.

I tried to get my breathing under for the second time in the past ten minutes. I sat there glaring at Arthur, letting him see exactly what I felt in that moment. This was his fault.

"What was that all about?!? Arthur looked confused and wary, a slight glimmer of concern hidden in his eyes. He has no right to feel concern. He did this.

"Why, you want to actually listen to me this time?" I was surprised at the level of harshness in my tone but I felt it was justified.

I saw Arthur's face harden.

"I don't need to listen to lying sorcerer." The pure anger, no, contempt, that laced those words shot a knife through my heart. I'd always imagined what it would be like if Arthur ever found out, I imagined anger, hurt, the dreaded fear. I knew I could be banished or killed by Uther. I always knew that it was a possibility that Arthur would order my execution, would hate me. But it was always more of a fear then an actual possibility, I believed in him, in destiny. I was so tired. Tired of suffering, and sacrificing, and believing. I gave up so much for him, everything that I am, and everything that I could have been, I gave it all up. For him. The irony of it all made a small chuckle escape my chapped lips, when was the last time I had any water?

"Right, I forgot. All sorcerers are evil, lying, bastards who only wish to kill and destroy." It hurt, more than I wanted to admit. Seeing him, standing there, looking down on me; it hurt so bad I felt like my heart was ripping itself to shreds. It was worse than him hating me, he thought I was evil, untrustworthy. It was my worst fear coming to life right in front of me. Arthur was staring at me in shock before schooling his features.

"I'm glad we understand each other." I've known him long enough to detect the faint emotion lacing these words, the sadness and pain. It was probably my wishful thinking but I'd like to think I heard a little bit of gut there too. I begged him with my eyes to just listen to me, to not turn away, to not leave me.

I looked at all of the knights but none of them would look me in the eye. Cowards. Their dismissal sent another pang through me. These were my friends and they were just going to abandon me.

I watched as Arthur turned and walked out into the pouring rain and nothing could stop the lone tear that made it way down my cheek and dripped onto the unassuming metal.

I tried to believe, I really did. The fire flickered and the shadows danced on the cave walls illuminating the down turned faces of the knights. The storm was so thick I couldn't tell whether it was day or night. Lightning struck in the distance accompanied by the roll of thunder. I stared and stared, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel the spark of the lightning or the cleansing power of the rain. The fire was a jumble of random movements, uncoordinated. There was no beautiful swirl or dancing.

I waited and waited and waited.

But I still felt nothing.

There was no one.

Nothing.

No one.

Nothing
.
.
.
I was alone.

Author's Note:
I want to thank everyone who reviewed especially Noxvae525 for really giving me the motivation to write this chapter. I've been super busy with school lately but I'll try to update both of my stories sooner. But fear not! I will not abandon these stories! Hope everyone has been having a lovely time and reviews are always welcome! :~)