Chapter 4: Breaking

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I immediately pushed the thought away. No, I wasn't alone. There's still hope, I just have to give him time. Time to process and to talk. If only he would just listen to me! I could feel myself slipping away, losing myself. The emptiness clawing it's way up from the darkness and towards my heart. I've heard the stories of witches and warlocks caught in these types of cuffs. Heard about how it slowly sucks the life out of them, eating up their magic. I've heard of the pain it causes. The skin-scratching, heart-ripping, soul-shredding agony as it rips them apart from the inside out. And I could feel it. I wanted so badly to just scream at Arthur, to make him listen! That's all I wanted. I've been in so much pain, for so long, and now that he knew I just wanted him to listen, to be my friend. Instead all I can do is just watch him as he stares into the fire, completely ignoring me. Hating me. And that hurt more than anything else.

Arthur, my Arthur, my King, my friend. He was killing me. He was killing me and he didn't care. I looked at every knight trying to get one of them to at least look at me, to do anything.

"Are you ever going to listen to me?" Please, just answer me. Please.

"Why should I?" He didn't even look up at me. He just continued to stare into the fire, the light reflecting on his blonde locks, setting them aflame. For the first time I realized how cold I was, so far from the flame.

"Because I am your friend." Please. Why wouldn't he just look at me?

"You are not my friend." He sounded so cold. His jaw set in a firm line, his gaze fixed forward.

"Why won't you look at me???" I practically screamed it at him. The lack of water making my voice low and scratchy. I threw all the pain that I was feeling into those words. Why wouldn't he understand, why wouldn't he just try. Why couldn't he see that he was killing me!

He looked up at me and that's when I realized.

It didn't matter. It didn't matter if he was killing me. He didn't care. His eyes were cold and hard, the complete opposite of the amusement and exasperation usually directed at me. I watched him stand and walk over to me. But I didn't see it. He didn't care. I only looked up when he crouched right in front of me. His cold grey orbs right in front of my pain-filled blue ones.

"You will listen to me, and listen closely. You are a sorcerer; and when we get back to Camelot you are going to put on trial and executed for your treachery. I suggest you spend your last few days reflecting on your life choices." He stared at me for a moment longer before standing and turning to walk away.

"You think I ever had a choice?" He seemed to snap at those words; turning and, quick as an asp, grabbed my sweat-soaked jacket and pulled me up. The change in position caused  a wave of dizziness and nausea to sweep through me, the chains rattling and striking my legs. The pain almost over-whelmed me but I forced myself to focus.

"You had a choice to not betray me! So you don't get to sit there and yell at me for something you chose! I trusted you! I trusted you and you chose to go behind my back, to betray me. So I don't care what you want. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You are a traitor, and you will die like one." He was panting heavily, his eyes boring into mine. I couldn't move, couldn't speak. I wanted to shout at him. To explain things. To say something, anything.

He dropped me and I fell to the ground, gasping. Oh gods it hurt. The cold manacles hitting my face, Arthur's words piercing my heart. And in that moment I felt something break. Something inside of me shattered and I felt it spread. The fire flickered, sending a spattering of sparks into the cave. The rain poured even heavier and the thunder became louder and harsher; the flash of lightning seeming to cry out in agony with every strike. The knights looked around wildly as wind whipped inside the cave and touched every single one of them. Wrapping it's cold tendrils around their hearts, weighing them.

I could feel it, this great shattering of the world. Every single leaf and twig seemed to cry out in the one moment creating this great cacophony of agony before suddenly silencing. The rain stopped and the storm faded. The icy wind holding the knights in place seemed to slowly unravel and was the last to go. It swirled around the room one last time, extinguishing the flame in a shower of sparks. As it sped by it seemed to stop in its mission for a moment, brushing my cheek.

And oh, by the Gods, I could feel it. For that moment I could feel the earth and the leaves. The great beauty of nature and magic wrapping itself in everything. I could feel it and for a moment I forgot. Forgot the cold chains that had been tormenting me for days. I forgot the betrayal of the person that I trusted most. I forgot the friends that left me. I forgot the loneliness and pain. I saw lights, and laughing, and freedom. I saw kind green eyes and heard music, beautiful, joyful, music. Somehow I knew what this was. This was a reassurance, a promise. I felt all of the pain, badger, hurt, and loneliness that had followed me my entire life and hoped. Really, truly hoped.

Then it faded, and the broken pieces returned. The cold and the emptiness. The pain and anger. I stared at the King, the one I had believed in with all of my being. The King I could no longer trust. I had had to believe in him, I couldn't doubt because if I had let myself doubt then all the pain and the executions and the sharp words would have cotton to me and I would have left so long ago. But I no longer could. He was my saving grace, the one who would bring freedom, who would lift my pain, and end the suffering of my people. But looking at him now, I knew that was never going to happen. He made his choice. And that hurt, staring st my best friend, so many memories and knowing I would never share jokes with him, or secret smiles. All of that was over. I mourned the loss of his friendship, of our destiny. But somehow I knew it was going to be okay.

I trusted in magic, I had my entire life. I couldn't stop now, if it was telling me that everything was going to be okay then I would believe in it. I would hold out to see what it had for me.

I looked at Arthur once again, he was just staring at me, confusion, anger, and wariness prominent in his gaze. But also something else. He felt it to, the breaking.

The knights all stood with dazed expressions on their faces, not looking at anything. All except one. Percival was staring at me, tears running down his cheeks. I couldn't speak but through my haze I managed to nod at him. It felt right. It still felt hurt, but somehow those tears sparked something.

He stood up but I was already falling. The darkness of oblivion dragging me down into its sweet abyss.

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