Dymond in the Dirt

Love

"Why you do me so cold .
Like could I get a text back? Too busy entertaining these hoes while I wanna show you off like gold; why don't you say anything? Say anything when them bitches come at me about you acting bold;

I'm suppose to be the main bitch but you treat them like royalty and me like mold;

Through all the lies I've been told the I'm sorry's are getting old;

I don't know how much I can take. . . I wanna end it but will that be an mistake?"

I read over an old poem I had written about one of my old boyfriends that I swore I was in love with. I wanted to tare the page from my book because I was embarrassed for myself. It sounded stupid ! it's like looking at an old picture of yourself. . . But I kept it. I needed this so Id have memories of how I was & what I never wanted to be again.

Once you have a baby and you hold your baby for the first time it's like you finally feel what true love really is. Since I had V I felt like a new person, I felt so loved. Every time I hold her my heart feels heavy, every time she smiles in her sleep I feel so happy, and when she cried Id anything to please her. I just want to spoil her and show everything my mom didn't show me. I don't ever want my Violet to have to deal with what I had to. I wanted to be better then What I was.

"I'll never let anyone harm you" I said to her as she slept in my arms. Today made it a week since she was home and I was adjusting well to motherhood.

"Knock knock" Jerome said coming in "uncle bookie sleep?" He asked

"Yeah" I said, I guess Jerome was giving her a nickname.

"Gimme her" he said taking her from me, "Wake up" he said in her ear. Was this fool crazy it was 12am and she just went to sleep.

"Jeroooome she just went to sleep" I said as she began crying.

"I wanted to play with her, gimme her bottle" he said as he patted her back, I could tell she was gonna go right back to sleep.

He had her spoiled rotten. I thought it was cute though.

The door bell rang downstairs. It was late so I rushed downstairs to answer the door before anyone woke up. Violet already wakes everyone up.

I looked through the peep hole to see Carter about to ring the doorbell again. I opened the door and pulled him in and closed the door back.

"Carter why are you here? Why didn't you let me know you were coming?" I asked . I noticed what I had on and was embarrassed, I had been in the gym but Violet still did some damage so I was working that off. My body just wasn't the same and I was embarrassed for anyone to see me in tighter clothes.

"My bad ill leave, I just wanted to see Violet" he said scratching his head, I noticed his eyes where red and watery.

"She's sleep in her Uncle's room, and if he sees you he's gonna kill me" I said

"Alright I'll stop by tomorrow I guess"

"Wait"

I grabbed his hand and rushed him upstairs and into my room. He clearly looked like he had something on his mind. I locked the door behind us just in case anybody decided to come in.

He went straight to the bed and plopped down on his back looking at me. I grabbed my robe and covered up. Remind you I was in yoga pants and a t-shirt.

"Why you covering up?" he asked

"Forget that, what's going on with you?"

He sighed and covered his face "I don't wanna think about or talked about it" he said as I sat next to him.

"Okay, I just hope everything is alright you look ruff" I said

He smirked "Ruff ain't the word, how have you been doing?" he asked

"Good working out more trying to loose this baby weight" I said

"What baby weight? is that what you're trying to cover up?" he asked

"Nooo . . . ." I lied

"I think it looks good on you" he said

"Eh .... thanks"

"Poet" he said

"Hmm"

"We don't even act like we have a child together" he said

"Whose fault is that?"

"Mine a little & yours. I know we don't talk like that anymore but at least we could do is kill the awkward moments when I come to see Violet"

"Ok I agree"

He he took a deep sigh and said "I've been going through it"

"Well I can tell, im just waiting for you to tell me"

"My dad he's been really sick and I don't know if it's because he's sick but he been taking all his stress and anger out me"

"How? Why would he"

"I guess cause I'm the only one mainly home. He says ima big fuck up and I had a baby I can't take care of. shit like I'll end up on the streets" he sighed again "I don't know why he'd say that. He knows I'm going to college"

"Well Carter he's probably upset about the being coming so early but you have to prove him wrong ! Go to college make something of yourself so you can show him you did everything he didn't say you would" I grabbed his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze "im here to support you no matter what the case is"

He smiled at me. I never thought I'd be at this point with him. ever since what happened I thought we'd never be the same but if wanted to be good parents we'd have to put the bullshit aside. . .