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"Why didn't he... " I was at loss of words whilst reading the poetry from my crush
Not going to lie, I believe we both like each other but just didn't want to admit it from the start.
And now I regret it all, damn it!
My hands we're slowly shaking as the paper went up and down. Jinyoung seemed to notice and tried to take the paper, but I clenched it tightly.
My eyes showing regret and guilt, I can feel Jinyoung's hands moved away from the paper, to my back and patted it softly. My breath started getting shaky and tears were growing.
No, Byeol. Don't you cry, this is your own mistake, why are you crying?
I held it so it wouldn't fall. I tried to make it stop by taking deep breaths, in and out. But they were shaky too, making it noticeable that I was about to cry.
"He hates me now." Was all that I mumbled
Jinyoung must've heard what I said because he moved his hands up and down my back more.
"No, he doesn't. He was just... Disappointed." He tried to make me think optimistic again
I stayed quiet for about 5 seconds, letting my tear fell since I couldn't hold it anymore. I can feel it slowly running down my cheek, making it wet.
"How do I be like you, Jinyoung?" I softly mumbled or whispered, trying not to let them know that I'm weak with this voice condition
"What do you mean?"
"How can I be so optimistic, like you?" I asked him, with a slight voice this time
He stopped running his hands through my back. I looked at him through my peripheral vision and saw his eyes looking down at his feet. Did I just make this much worse? What else is going to happen?
"I'm not optimistic,
I just don't like seeing people unhappy."
My brows furrowed at his words. Now I finally realize what he meant. He tends to satisfy people with himself, but we all don't know if he himself is satisfied. We don't know if he's genuinely happy or not.
He cares about our happiness more than his own.
"Why would you do that?" I asked him and finally turn to look at him with sympathy in my eyes
"Why would you sacrifice your happiness to us, when you could've used it for yourself?" I asked and he didn't dare to look back at me
"I- Is it wrong to make people feel euphoric?" He asked
"No, but it's wrong with helping people be happy, instead of not being happy yourself." I said
He then finally looked up to me and pat my shoulder gently.
