All The Little Lights // c.b

23

We made it, and I blindly run in with Colby at my heels.

"I'm looking for my friend, Ella," I say frantically, and an officer grabs my attention.

"Are you Josie Sutton?" He asks, and I nod. He motions for me to sit and I do. Colby sits next to me and grans my hand, massaging circles to calm me.

"Is she okay?" I ask, and the officer takes off his hat.

"Another car rammed hers from the side as she was driving through an intersection, which caused her car to spin out of control into a solid wall. She is on life support right now, her parents came down to see her as well and they are in there now," he says, and I cover my mouth with my free hand to keep from sobbing.

"Okay," I choke out, "Can I see her?"

"Yes," He says, and I stand and follow the officer to her room. How could this happen in a span of two hours? I walk in, still holding onto Colby's hand tightly, afraid to let go. Her parents give me hugs when I come in, and then I come to Ella. I take a breath and let go of Colby's hand, and take Ella's in both of my hands.

A/N :Y'all I'm actually crying writing this I'm not okay holy shit 😩

"Hey, Ells," I start, and squeeze my eyes closed, "you are the best best friend I could ever ask for. You always know how to make me laugh and...." I trail off and drop my head and rest it on her hand, letting the tears flow freely. Her parents sit on the opposite side, crying as well. Colby is behind me, rubbing circles into my back and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Ella Marie, we love you so much, baby," her mom whispers, and I sniff a bit. Her eyes are closed, and the machine hums quietly next to her. I didn't want to let go of her hand. I was afraid I would lose a little bit of myself if I did. Two years ago I lost my mother, yesterday I left my dad in Australia, and now I'm losing my best friend before my very eyes. I stand up slightly and lean over her body and give her a hug the best I could, and rest my head on her shoulder.

"Thanks for making YouTube better," I whisper to her, and step back, still keeping my hand in hers.

"Josie?" I hear her father whisper. I look up and see he is holding a camera, and it is then I noticed the doctor had come in and was probably the one who gave it to them.

"I can't take that," I say, shaking my head, and wiping away a tear gently.

"We want you to have it. You know way more about YouTube than we do, and for all we know she filmed her last video on here. I think she would want it posted," her mother says, squeezing her daughters hand. Colby reaches over and takes it, and I looked at it.

"I'm sorry, but we will have to pull the plug," the doctor says, and I felt my body shake.

"Please don't, not yet," I say, fresh tears flowing down my cheeks.

"It's okay honey," her mom says, coming around to my side and taking my hand that still held Ella's tightly. She held on with me, and I watched as the plug was pulled and the hum died. I didn't let her go just yet. My body felt heavy, and I felt as if someone had taken a chunk of my heart out and thrown it away. Her channel was EJVlogs for s reason, I was the J. After what felt like an eternity, her mom let go, and Colby massaged my shoulders.

"We have to go, Josie," he whispers, his voice filled with pain. I wait, and when I let go I felt gone.

***

I couldn't go back to the apartment. I went to the trap house instead, and walked to Colby's room. I move to his bed and lay down on the far side closest to the wall, and let the tears fall again. I felt the bed dip next to me, and knew Colby was there. He lay down and rolled me over so I was facing him. He wiped away the tears with his thumb and kissed my forehead. I just dropped my head until it was resting on his chest, and he rested his head on mine. I felt heavy, I felt lifeless.

After hours of laying there, Colby sat up a bit.

"I'm going to get food, you need to eat," Colby says, tucking some hair behind my ear. I look up at him and give him a small nod, and pulled his blanket over me. He gave me a kiss on my forehead since it was the only part of me still visible to the world, and I heard the door open and close. I closed my eyes and cried again, since that was the only emotion I felt I had left inside me.