Not That Simple

You're Beautiful...Perfect

Monica's POV

I've just let it all out.

The most vulnerable part of me, the part I despise, the part keeping me from ever having a happy future. Now I'm uncontrollably sobbing into my bosses arms, under the influence of alcohol. Okay, I won't exaggerate, I'm on the tipsy side but I know for a fact none of this would've come out if I was completely sober.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking this, especially when tears furiously pour down my cheeks, but Chandler hugging me like this isn't weird or uncomfortable. It feels...safe, I guess.

"M-Monica." He says. Something similar to guilt drips into my veins because I've thrown all this information at him in the last 10 minutes and he's having to attempt processing it, it took me a year to get my own head wrapped around it.
My boss has been so kind to me, although he knew nothing about me personally or my past, he apologised for it and told me he'd always be there for me.

"Hmm" I croak, rushing to wipe my achy eyes, the collar and arm of Chandler's shirt soaked with my tears. His arm loosens slightly around my shoulders, leaning back ever so slightly to look at him I watch confusion anger and curiosity flicker across his features.

Opening his mouth he waits a second before speaking again, "I don't understand why this affects you eating... I know you've been through so much and don't think that I'm being unsensitive or anything. It's just I'm still a little confused" sighing he looks away from me. Yeah I suppose I didn't explain that part to him.

Curling my legs up under my body, Chandler's arm falls even looser around me, feeling bereft without the safety or warmth I push myself closer to his side, his grip tightening again.

"Yeah... I didn't explain that part. Um, well... Mike beat me... But sometimes after he'd finished hitting me or, the days where he didn't want to beat me. He used to, I suppose verbally beat me.
So he would tell me I was way too fat for him, I was ugly, he only wanted me for sex, I was worthless and I should hate every little thing about me."

Taking long deep breaths I successfully hold back the tears threatening me. "At the start it used to get to me and obviously i was upset for a few days, I just thought he was being horrible. Then after it's been happening so much, I believed what he was saying was true, I starved myself to lose weight, I never slept with him after the first beatings anyways but he would always try to. I refused. But It got so bad that I often passed out from malnutrition. I was basically killing myself slowly because of him."

Before I register what's happening I'm impossibly closer to Chandler, his arms gripping me around my waist tightly. "You're perfect. Listen to me, I don't care what he said, I don't care what you ended up doing. You're beautiful, I don't know why this ever happened to you, I swear to you that nothing like that will happen to you again." The man's known about this for barely an hour, his words are promises, there's no doubting it.

Pulling my head out of his shoulder I look at him, our eyes meeting. Next minute his lips crash against mine, I want to move, I know its wrong, but I'm too carried away. I kiss back, our lips intermingling over and over, I feel faint strokes of his hands down either sides of my hips up and down. My own arms wrap around his neck keeping him close, my lungs are burning, my body on fire from his soft touch, I don't pull away.

Eventually Chandler does, after what seems like hours, gasping for breath, "Wow" he pants, I grin giggling quietly. my chest heaves as I try to get my breath, I already miss his lips. Is that bad?
If I wasn't drunk I'd have been certain it was REALLY bad, but nothings holding me back. I'm thinking straight but I'm not at the same time if that makes sense.

Reaching out my fingers gently caress his cheek, I swear I feel him shudder, under my own panting I can't quite tell.
"You okay?" He whispers, his eyes flickering to my lips and back up to my eyes.
For the first time in a while I am okay, lifting my eyes to Chandlers eyes my heart jumps. His hairs slightly dishevelled from my fingertips, my nails travel along his jawline, hesitating when I reach the edge of his lip, I use my thumb to trace across where my lips were moments ago.

The warm breath that hits my thumb causing my heart to pound against my chest.
My eyes lose track of my thumb when a hand lifts my chin ever so slightly, our eyes meet again. Meeting him halfway, my lips find his, this time it's not rushed, or desperate, it's slow and gentle and enough to melt my insides, setting them alight.

Chandlers legs shift from underneath us, touching the floor, manoeuvring mine from underneath my body, I let my feet find the carpet, his arms wrap around my waist and together we stand, out lips never parting. Sliding my hands up over his shoulders, they cross behind his neck, letting my fingertips play with the short strands I find there.

Our lips part enough to take a quick breath before they meet again, squeezing my hips, Chandler slowly steps forward, then sidewards. Shivering from the sudden temperature drop I pull my lips away, staring for a couple of seconds Chandlers grin lights up the hall we've ended up in.

We've stopped outside a large heavy oak door, with a brass handle, Chandler twists the key and leans sideways shoving the door open.
Taking my hand he gently tugs me into the room, flicking the light on as he goes. There's a king sized mahogany bed, with matching bedside cabinets either side, a grey fluffy rug two steps away from my toes. It's like a normal bedroom of any house or apartment, even including a dresser and bureau with a full length mirror standing to the left of it.

A quiet click and the door is closed, awkwardly I hug myself, both arms crossing around my stomach, rubbing my arm up and down, Chandler reaches out and plays with my hand, his fingers sliding inbetween mine. Picking his head up, I watch his eyes glistening, the ray of light from the lamp illuminating his features perfectly, taking two steady steps forward I fall into his embrace, my toes curling as the soft fur of the rug tickles my feet.

Instead of moving to the bed or kissing me, Chandler's arms find my waist, slithering round making his hands meet at the small of my back, as an alternative ; snaking my arms around his neck I sigh. Nothing has felt more comforting and as safe as this is the past decade for me, I'm not willing to leave it yet.

Subconsciously, I let my head fall against his shoulder, burying my face into the crook of my neck, the strong scent of aftershave overpowering. Blinking slowly I feel my entire body relaxing, the gentle thud of his heart beating against his chest a huge factor of my loss of stress and upset. I know women have needs, hell I have needs. But a lot of the time this is all I wish for, someone to hold me and tell me its going to be okay.

Instead of someone beating me and emphasising my flaws and imperfections.