Not That Simple

A Realisation

Breathing deeply through my nose, I grip the side of the sink and haul myself to my feet, I reach back and flush the toilet relieved that my stomach has finally settled from it's routine morning torture. I give it a couple more seconds to make sure it's really over before I load up my toothbrush and scrub away at my teeth hoping the toothpaste won't be the next thing that sets me off today.
Leaving the bathroom, I'm greeted by Rachel with a cup of coffee ready for me, just I as I reach out to take it my stomach convulses and I turn away abruptly.

"I'm sorry Rach... the smell." I croak apologetically. That's another day without caffeine, ever since the first day of this sickness I haven't managed to have anything close to coffee, it's been 4 weeks since I first threw up and maybe 2 and a half week since I spoke to Mr Bing. Why that is so significant to my mind I don't know for sure.

She frowns but nods anyways, "Monica I don't think this is a sickness bug, it's been nearly 4 weeks now, you throw up all through the day. You are repulsed by the things you normally can't live without." I shrug, perplexed by what else it could be. "Are you pregnant?"
Oh my god, I didn't even think of that. In my mind there is no possibility of it. There's a complete look of innocence behind the question, backing up the fact that she has no clue I slept with Mr Bing.

"N-no how could you- why would you even think that?" I stutter feeling my body begin to shake, why, I don't know.

Rachel smiles softly setting down the mugs on the coffee table, she moves back to me and takes my hands in hers. I feel my body start to relax as much as it will for today anyways.
"I'm sorry honey. I just don't know what else it could be, I know unless there's something you're keeping from me, the last person you were with was Him. So if you were and it was His I would be able to tell by now" she glances down at my flat stomach and sighs, her arms wrap around me and hug me tight.

"I'll ask the doctor today, I promise. I'm not pregnant, I can't be" surely I can't be pregnant, I mean we used protection. Didn't we?! Oh my god.... I can't remember!

Just the thought of not remembering what was used that night makes my heart beat out of my chest, everything tenses and I step back from Rachel.

She must notice how tense my body has become, because she rests both her hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye, "You will do great today. You will be perfectly fine. Just remember we're all here for you" She thinks it has something to do with the doctors. I won't deny, part of my mood today is to do with today's agenda, however my little realisation has made me feel so out of control I can't bare it.

"I know, I'm going to get ready." Glancing down at my watch, i breathe shakily, "I have to be there in an hour" with that I turn and hurry into my room.

Tears burn my eyes and my hands shake violently as I brush my hair and try to fathom something out of it. I quickly cover up as much of the dark circles under my eyes I have been sporting recently that I can along with the freckles dotting my cheeks.

Pulling on my boots I hurry out the apartment door and hail a cab.

The ride there goes by in seconds, merely a blur of colour. Handing the driver the fare and climbing out of the cab seemed like an awakening, everything seemed to come back to me, almost as if I just came back to my own body.

The excruciating wait to be called, dragged out into eternity, my entire body trembling with fear and anxiety and pain.

"Monica Geller!"

Dr Pierce tears me out of my reverie, I smile politely and follow him in silence, this place could bring me no comfort now matter how kind and caring my doctors were.

"So how are you?" He asks kindly as I sit and he closes the office door.
Clearing my throat I try to find my voice, "Umm, I'm okay. But for the last 3 and a half nearly 4 weeks I have been throwing up everyday and I can't seem to eat anything that I used to find appetising. It's so weird and so I know I'll have fallen behind again." As much as I'd rather just ignore it, I think now is the best time to bring it up so he knows.