it really sucks when someone you used to love really just rubs salt into your self conscious wound with agreeing that you're trash, the self deprecating kind, and then say "you dumped me you deserve it" okay, you said you were fine with it and agreed it was right. sure i hurt you but that's because i was scared of you doing this shit, it hurt because i used to love you and it makes me sick to the stomach with anxiety, i feel like i'm about to throw up and i literally just want to punch myself or just go to sleep and never wake up. you used to care if i wanted to kill my self, you said you'd never want it to happen, but now, i feel like you'd feel relived with my shadow taken off your consciousness. does it make you feel good? feel like the badass you think you are? it's wrong, it makes me feel even less like i'm worth anything i'm given. so yeah, i am trash. i do deserve it. just because i did what i thought would better my mental health and you. you think i did it just for me? no, i didn't want to hurt you cause i knew i loved you then, when i told you i did. but now? i'm just laying on the bathroom floor wanting to vomit and fall asleep forever because you wanted to feel good.
they make me feel happy,
after you say those things,
i go to them.
i go to her for guidance and reassurance,
i go for him to feel better and know i'm cared for by someone genuine.
they erase those thoughts.
they're the best people in my life.
i don't need you.
i have them.
so stay out of it.
