Of Queens And Commanders (DISCONTINUED)

6. Love Is Weakness

Lexa's P.O.V.
Brought to you by a trash panda

"Damn it!" I yelled, throwing a pillow across my room in anger. "How could I have let myself slip up like this? She's just a stupid disposable girl who means nothing." I took a deep breath, sitting down to stay calm as I gave myself a reminder. "Love is weakness, to be Commander is to be alone." But as I sat there I couldn't help but see her face in my mind. Her brilliant light green eyes, her wavy dark blonde hair, and her smile...that damn smile. I couldn't get her out of my head no matter how hard I tried. Others may have called it fate, true love, destiny perhaps, but to me, it was just a nuisance; one I would not tolerate. I grabbed a set of my knives as I slipped downstairs and away from the hustle and bustle of the capital to where I trained the natblidas. It was quiet, it didn't smell of smoke but of the forest, and I was all alone; just what I needed to clear my head. I pulled out one of the throwing knives from the sheath on my thigh and aimed for the target that had been painted on the trunk of the nearest tree and threw it. The blade hit its mark with a 'thunk' and I pulled out another, continuing the process until I was out of knives and out of steam.

I stood there, silent and still until I felt a drop of liquid rolling down my cheek. Thinking it was raining I stuck my hand out but nothing hit it. I wiped it away, deciding that maybe it was blood from a cut I hadn't noticed I'd gotten. But it wasn't blood either, it was the last thing I had expected; it was was a tear. I was crying and I hadn't even realized it. All my anger and other compressed emotions were spilling out and I had been oblivious to it happening. I sat down, wiping off my face and staring up at the sky filled with the many colors of the sunset. "If only you were here Costia, then none of this would be happening. I wish you were here, I miss you terribly and I still love you." I looked down, placing my head in my hands and closed my eyes. She would want to deal with this, she would just want me to be happy.

Though it was hard to admit, seeing the beast girl's face made something in me happy and though I didn't know what that thing was yet, it existed. Perhaps it was the fact that her compliance brought hope, or at least that is what I hoped it was. I found her attractive, there was no questioning that but I wouldn't let it get to anything beyond that. She was a weapon that would be used and then deposed of after she'd served her perpose. When I opened my eyes again it was close to dark and though I did not wish to, I knew I had to return to Polis before nightfall. I looked up at the stars that had just begun to shine and I knew in my heart that my Costia was up there as one of them.

...

When I had returned to the tower I stopped at the floor where Arlin was being held and stoped in front of her door, it was out of curiosity I suppose. There was a faint sound but I could not quite make out what it was so I leaned against the door and listened. She was crying. I recoiled from the door and simply stood alone in the near silence before going to my quarters upstairs. By the time I had reached my room, I'd realized something; I felt guilty. I had done innumerable acts worse than what I had done to the woman that lay floors below me and I had never once felt guilty, not for something like what I'd done to her. So what made this time any different?

Arlin's P.O.V.
Brought to you by a talking horse

All I did was cry that night, I wasn't sure why. I wasn't scared, or at least I wasn't ready to admit that I was. I was being held against my will and was about to be forced to fight in a war that I had nothing to do with. The clans could deal with their own problems, I didn't understand why they had to involve me; a reject without a clan to call her own. Sure, I was from Trikru but they hadn't wanted me, I was completely fine with that and I certainly didn't have any plans on returning to the people who had tortured me. But it didn't really seem like I had much of a choice in the matter, for now, I was trapped in a place where I was unwelcome and unwanted by most. I was sobbing into my pillow when I heard the sound of the door creaking, there was clearly someone on the other side of the door. But I didn't care, the whole world could hear my cries and it wouldn't matter, no human was going to come and save me. I kept crying but watched the door intensely for the next few minutes but I was finding it harder and harder to keep my eyes open. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep, thinking...no...knowing that all hope was lost. I was the Commander's bitch, and I had no choice but to do what she wanted me to.

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Thought I'd give you guys the gift of a new chapter, even though it's a filler chapter. But I hope you enjoyed it!

Thought yall might enjoy this little tidbit from writing; it's certainly not wrong!

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