Of Queens And Commanders (DISCONTINUED)

11. I Am Not Acting Myself

Arlin's P.O.V.
Brought to you by a talking horse

It was dark by the time we got back to Polis, and the silence and tension between the Commander and I was thick enough that I could I have sliced right through it if it had been real. When we separated at the tower base the guards I was so used to seeing by now led me to my room and I was happy to see that a bath had been drawn for me. I don't know by whom or under whose orders but I was too exhausted to care. I sat down on the side of my bed, rushing to get undressed. I stopped a moment and grimaced as I pulled off my shirt and saw the bruise on my side that was forming, no doubt from my fight with the woman floors above me earlier that day. I pushed it to the back of my mind along with knowing that I was going to be sore the next morning. I kicked off my boots and pants before sitting in my underwear and chest bindings*** to undo my braids, glad to get the tension off my scalp. Running my fingers through my hair, I stepped into the warm water and sat down in a comfortable position. As I sat there I found myself reflecting on everything that had happened in the amount of time I had been at Polis. Thinking about my actions specifically.

I didn't like how I was acting, who I was or who I was becoming. Though I honestly couldn't think of a time when I actually had liked myself. I knew that the things I had said and done as of late weren't reflecting who I knew I was, who I was meant to be. (Vibe check failed) I had become almost unrecognizable compared to who I had been mere weeks beforehand, back when I had been oblivious to what my future held. I felt like I should have known better, I should have known that I would be found and captured eventually. I should have run and gotten as far away as I could so that none of this would ever happen or even have a possibility of happening. But I didn't and I was here now, I had to accept that. Surely, if I thought about it hard enough I could find some things that I appreciated about Polis and my current situation. Most if not all my needs were being met and I knew that I should cherish it while I could because I could never know what dangers my future held for me. There was the Commander, I didn't entirely like her but I couldn't deny the fact that I appreciated the human company she provided and she certainly wasn't an eyesore either. But did I like her? Definitely not, and I never would but I wasn't going to deny the fact that she was pretty any longer.

Did I hate myself for accepting that? Yes, but I knew that I was going to have to accept it sooner or later. Plus, what harm was there in admitting to myself that a person was attractive? None, as far as I knew. I sighed, sitting up and placing an arm on the lip of the metal tub to rest my chin on. I knew that the whole reason the Commander had brought me to Polis was to save her people, an admirable thing. And I knew that based upon what had transpired earlier in the day things were going to become more serious regarding myself. Things were going to happen that I wasn't going to like, I knew that already but hopefully I would have more freedoms because of that. Like going to see Artemis, I had only been able to see her that one time where the Commander acted weird. Though it seemed that her odd behavior around me had become the new normal between the two of us. But perhaps that was related to stress, if it was, it wouldn't be surprising. I sat up, water sloshing around my waist. I may have not been prepared for what was coming my way, but that only meant that I was going to have to make myself ready.

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Sorry for the long wait everyone!

I've gotten into the schools that I applied to so hopefully I will have more time to do things like writing now that applications are done.

Also thank you so much for 2k reads! It means the world to me!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this month's chapter and I'll see you again in the next one! Love yall!

-SpiderwebStories

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***They bind their chests instead of using bras for enhanced mobility and because bras are probably hard to find in their circumstances. If you bind your chest please be careful, you can seriously hurt yourself if you do it wrong!