[A/N:]
ㅡ Donghyuck's song: when the party's over by billie eilish.
ㅡ Mark's song: misguided ghosts by paramore.
...
"Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own. I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that..."
Haechan's earphones were at maximum volume in a useless attempt to stop his thoughts.
He knew his pace was getting faster, he knew that he fucked up and he knew he deserved the pain he was feeling.
That stupid cap to hide his identity... He threw it away.
"I'll only hurt you if you let me. Call me friend but keep me closer."
Donghyuck felt his eyes getting watery.
"No" he told himself, grabbing the collar of his t-shirt. He stopped walking instantly, inhaling deeply trying to calm the pain on his chest. It felt like his ribs were about to break.
He stared at the floor - this feeling had become an old friend now, but it was as terrifying as the first time.
His mind blank and a pressure in his chest that didn't let any air in, he gave up on trying to control his pulse.
It was like the earth was spinning at the speed of light - it made him dizzy. It felt like he was the only person alive, overwhelmed by too many feelings, but from the outside it just looked like a tired boy staring at Seoul's sidewalk.
Haechan closed his eyes after he noticed his pupils shaking and prayed for someone to save him from himself.
"Once we've both said our goodbyes, let's just let it go. Let me let you go."
If his body wasn't going to calm down the least he could do was give his body a reason to hyperventilate and his heart to palpitate, so he started running. He ran, towards nothing. He imagined Mark miles away and made a stupid attempt to reach him. He felt all his body tensing and the wind hitting his face like crazy.
Tears started to fall. This didn't surprise Haechan.
Everyone was turning around and looking at him running, but he didn't mind, it was the only thing that calmed him in moments like this.
He trusted his legs to lead the way.
ㅡ
"What...?" Donghyuck said unplugging his earphones.
There was a light coming out from Mark's room.....at 5 in the morning.
The younger's eyes found little pieces of paper down by the window. Haechan reached for them and read random words: "his eyes", "god", "please"... "love Haechan."
Donghyuck felt a stab in his heart. He looked up, at the other's window in a attempt to see his face.
Instead of seeing him he started to hear a really familiar sound, Mark's guitar. It had the same effect on him as lullabies have on babies.
Haechan sat on the ground, closing his eyes. A bitter-sweet feeling running through his body.
"I'm going away for a while, but I'll be back, don't try and follow me. 'Cause I'll return as soon as possible."
Donghyuck started crying as Mark kept on singing. He stood up, he couldn't take it anymore.
Running upstairs he froze before knocking on the older's door.
"And run to them, to them, full speed ahead. Oh you are not, useless... We are just-"
Haechan breathed in and started singing: "Misguided ghost, traveling endlessly."
Mark stopped playing the guitar and stayed quiet until Haechan broke inside the room.
"The ones we trusted the most pushed us far away." Mark sang half angry half sad.
Donghyuck step inside and opened his mouth to say something, but he got cut of by the other's cold voice saying "get out".
Haechan broke down crying: "Mark I don't expect you to forgive me I- I just-... I'm really sorry Mark, I fucked up."
He waited for a response but the older just hid his face inside his hands. Donghyuck sat on the bed, next to Mark.
Mark look at Donghyuck with watery eyes, then looked down feeling tears urging to run down his face. He didn't want Haechan to see him like this.
He suddenly felt a hand petting his back.
"I don't want to leave you alone in this state, I can't go wrong again." His companion's voice said.
Mark rested his head on Haechan's shoulder "Promise me you won't say stuff like that ever again."
"I promise. I'm going through some rough things these days and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to worry you, but it ended up building up inside-" Haechan took a pause to breathe. "I'm stupid and I blamed you for everything yesterday. I'm so sorry Mark."
Donghyuck changed positions and rested his head on Mark's thighs. The older started caressing the other's hair. "We'll work on it, we'll figure it out..."
Haechan smiled at the words and turned around, making eye contact.
"Have I ever told you that I love you?"
"One thousand times." Said Mark.
