[ A / N : This kinda has a good ending but if you're really sensitive about mental illness and/or suicide PLEASE do yourself a favor and don't read this ]
. . . 23:58 . . .
. . . 23:58. . . .
. . . 00:00 . . .
That just meant that time kept running, but for Han Jisung, the person laying in the bed staring at his watch it meant much more. Another day had started and he wasn't sure if he could take another second of that pain anymore. One single tear ran down his cheeks. He lost track of how many days had passed by while feeling that void in his chest grow. It felt like a fire arrow stuck in his chest at first but now it was as if a pack of hungry wolves lived inside his heart.
He had seen too much for his age, he had spend to many nights shaking in fear, he knew too well the taste of his tears and it was starting to creep him out to the point of gagging. Some weeks he would lose the track of time, he wouldn't eat or sleep for days, he forgot to shower or to go outside.
He was tired and he wanted to sleep but it seemed like an impossible mission... Jisung, immobile, stared at the roof, mentally discussing what chances did he have.
His friends popped up in his head. Chan, Changbin, Felix... He loved them so much and he was so grateful for their constant help. He didn't want to cause them anymore trouble, they already did too much for him. He sent a message to their group-chat: "i love you guys"
There was only one place he could think about. The rooftop.
He went upstairs, leaving his house filled with blurry memories behind. A fire spread through his chest like tree roots. He didn't felt any air inside his lungs.
Heavy breathing, he counted his steps one by one to make the ascent easier, which felt a lot longer now than ever. With every step he felt a pinch of the pain inside his heart go away
"One step for every time I felt hurt. One step for every time I felt alone. For every time I felt numb." He repeated to himself, like a mantra.
A sour smile was drawn in his face when he found the door to the rooftop. This will be the last time he would climb those stairs.
He opened the door, getting hit by the cold wind of the night. That brought him closer to freedom, in a couple of seconds, the same wind would be taking his soul somewhere far, far away.
Obviously, Jisung looked back. He was more than afraid, he was petrified. He thought of going back to bed and pretend this never happened. He felt the cold winter stabbing his skin and someone, probably his old self, was trying to crawl outside the deep void they where buried in. It was useless. His old self was too weak, and everything that was left inside that body was a broken person.
Jisung was now one feet away from a deathly fall. He was crying. Trying to drown his regrets he look at the black sky. "I'm sorry, so so sorry" he whispered to no one and everyone at the same time. He didn't want to worry anyone with a goodbye so he just checked if his friends answered his message.
Chan: "everything ok?"
Felix: "we love you too uwu"
Hyunjin: "ugh when can we hang out all together again? I miss y'all"
Jisung smiled through the pain and texted back "hopefully soon."
He had been lying like this for so long he didn't even feel bad about it. He looked down to the ground and inhaled for the last time. A war was being held inside him at the time, debating between jumping or not jumping... deep down, the choice was clear to Jisung though. It's not that he wanted to do it it's that he had to. After so many years fighting, the battle was over and this was the only choice he had left. One step more and all the pain will disappear forever.
He felt all of his body weight being swallow by the earth, and he cleaned the tears off his face. Soon the voices will stop forever.
. . .
Jisung's feet were half hanging off the building when he heard a soft voice, almost like a whisper behind him.
"Oh hi, what are you doing here?" Said a guy approximately his age entering the rooftop.
Jisung didn't move and inch stood petrified. What was he doing there? Tears rushed to his eyes but he didn't let any out. "Uh... I'm... I'm just enjoying the view and the fresh air."
"You don't sound good... Are you okay?"
Jisung's old self was screaming. He was screaming for help. Of course he wasn't fucking okay. He was one step away from ending his life. But it was useless, because out of fear, embarrassment, self loathing or all of the above he answered with a vague "yes".
"It's really cold out here, do you want a blanket?" The stranger asked
Jisung sighed and started to cry out of frustration while looking down, trying to hide it. How could he tell this guy to leave him alone... he felt ridiculous.
"Don't worry I'm not staying here for long" Said Jisung as he ran back to his house.
He noticed the tears in the other's face and felt worried so he followed him downstairs with a slow pace to give him some advantage.
. . .
Jisung heard his front door knocking but he was obviously not going to answer. All of a sudden he head a voice: "Hi ah.... I don't know your name. I'm Minho, the guy form the rooftop. You looked really hurt and I know we don't know each other and I'm stupid to corner you like this but I can't just let it go that easily."
"Okay, Minho, I just had a really bad day, you can go back to your apartment."
"Talk about it with people you trust, it will make you feel better" Minho paused "This is really wierd... I'm sorry for bothering you like this, I'll go now."
"Goodbye" said Jisung through the closed door.
Jisung lied down on bed again, with the clock running at the same tempo, and the same blankets. Once he woke up from his daydream he had a mental breakdown thinking about what he was about to do. He was shaking in the ground, sobbing, with a phone in his hands ready to call Chan. He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to get out of that, he wanted to live.
. . .
Chan was now on his way to Jisung's home. The younger was laying in bed, hugging a pillow while waiting for his friend. A stranger saved his life...? He needed to find him again, and thank him.
[ A / N : do you want a second part? ]
