You Are So Not a Fallen Angel

Chapter 30

It was raining when he came, fat drops that rattled the gutters. Outside my window, the leaves were just beginning to turn brown. Summer was trailing to a close and soon it would be over and forgotten, obliterated by mists and drizzle and cold mornings.

I was supposed to be packing for school, but my heart wasn’t in it. I had been at it for an hour, but the suitcase was barely a quarter full, though the bed was covered with a layer of clothes. I kept taking things from the cupboard and finding myself unable to decide whether I wanted to take them or not. It all seemed rather pointless.

There was a knock on the door, and I turned around to find Ivan standing there, a tentative smile on his face.

“Your mum said I could come up,” he said. “I hope that’s alright.”

“Sure, come in.” I moved some of the clothes so he could sit down. For a moment there was silence. I turned back to the cupboard and pretended to be engrossed in deciding whether I would need my red skirt this term or not, or if I’d be better with the blue one.

“Are you alright?” he asked eventually. I shrugged.

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

There was another silence. “Getting ready for school?”

Since he was sitting next to my suitcase, the answer should’ve been obvious. I wondered why he’d come. There wasn’t anything that needed saying.

“Yes. I go back tomorrow. What about you?”

“I left school some time ago,” he said with a trace of amusement in his voice.

“You know what I mean. I’m surprised you’re still here. Surely your job here is done?”

“There were some lose ends that needed tidying up. I’m leaving this evening.”

I tossed a pile of socks in the suitcase. “Going anywhere nice?”

“I don’t know. Wherever they sent me next, I imagine.”

“By ‘they’, do you mean Py?”

“Amongst other.” More silence. I rummaged through the contents of my junk drawer, wondering if I’d ever get around to throwing anything out. “Look, Py told me what happened after I left...”

“It doesn’t matter, Ivan.” I gripped the edge of the cupboard door and watched his reflection in the mirror. He was staring at my back.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left. I should’ve stayed and made sure you were okay.”

“I told you to leave. So you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

“But if I’d stayed...”

“Ivan, please, forget around it, alright? I’m fine. You’re fine. Flora’s fine. The world hasn’t ended or been invaded by an army of salivating demons, so let’s be thankful for that and move on.”

He stood up and came over to stand behind me. “I better leave you to it, then.”

“Good luck, Ivan.”

“Do you think you and I...”

I didn’t wait for him to say what he wanted us to do, whether it was stay in touch, have coffee sometime or engage in a torrid love affair. I shook my head. “Not a chance.”

“None?”

“Not for a long time.” Hurt was clear on his face and I wanted to tell him this wasn’t about him specifically, but just that he was part of a whole I wanted to forget about, at least for a short while. I wanted to do back to being normal, to return to that dull life I’d had before. I wanted to forget that there were beings out there that didn’t belong in this world. But that would’ve been too difficult to explain, so I didn’t say anything. “But thanks for helping. That first night.”

He smiled weakly. “That was Py’levan, mainly.”

“In that case, thank you Py. Don’t give her my regards when you see here again.”

“I won’t.” He nodded and left, and I went back to the cupboard.

“Eliza?” Ivan was back at the door.

“Yes?”

“Have you seen him? Since...”

“Since he tried to kill me? No. I haven’t seen him since Aubin brought me home. Why?”

He shrugged. “No reason.”

“I don’t think he’ll be stopping by anything soon. He’d got all he wanted from me.”

“That’s good. Well, take care, Eliza.”

I waved and he left. Once I’d heard his footsteps on the stairs, I went back to my packing.

Two hours later it was done. Everything I needed was packed and loaded into the car, ready for tomorrow. The start of the next chapter.

I sat down on the now clutter-free bed. I didn’t feel anything, neither excitement, nor pleasure, nor sadness. I ought to have been bubbling with a thousand different emotions, pulled in a million different directions. I should feel something, but ever since that night in the park, numbness had blotted everything out. After Aubin had brought me home, I hadn’t retreated to my bed and wept over my broken heart. I’d gotten up the next day and gone about my business like it was any other day. I’d lied to Flora, spun some improbable tale about her getting drunk and passing out on a sun lounger. What did she mean, she’d seen me getting stabbed? Must’ve been a dream.

It probably wasn’t a good idea to repress my feeling like this. I should be trying to break through the barrier, releasing all the pent-up emotion, letting it pour out. But that felt like of work, and it’d be painful, so I was happy the way things were for the moment.

I went over to my desk and slid open the drawer. I pulled out Lorris’ note and the feather he’d left in my room. He must’ve got it from a swan, I thought, fingering the snowy white quills. It didn’t come from his own wings, obviously. I snapped it in two and dropped it into the waste paper bin. The note I tore up without looking at it and the pieces joined the feather in the bin.

I dusted down my hands and headed downstairs for a last swim before dinner. I wondered how long it’d be before he came back. Because he was going to. Despite what I’d said to Ivan, Lorris was going to come back. I knew it. In my heart of hearts, I knew it. He owed it to me.

I smiled as I dove into the cool water of the pool. He’d be back. And I’d be waiting for him.