talk to me ; joyri

6//

warning: sexual harassment(?) ahead - it's just forced kissing though

dear diary,

hi, it's me, yerim. i've never actually used a diary, so this is a first for me. i've always had sorim unnie if i was ever upset, but she isn't here anymore. she's probably with han gyeol as i'm writing this. she's probably giving him all of her attention. and guess what? i'm stuck here, in my house, crying. i'm so tired of crying. i'm so tired of wanting to be good enough. i just want someone to like me for me. that's all i want. it isn't that much to want, right?

there's this sooyoung unnie, but i feel like she only likes me because she sees me as a poor loser. i don't want to ruin her even more. it's better if i push her away now, rather than hurt her feelings more in the future. and you know what's worse? she looks exactly like sorim unnie. actually, she's so much prettier. the way her long hair flies in the wind and shines in its own perfect way- it's something i would've never been able to see with sorim unnie's short hair and bangs. her aura radiates of confidence and warmth. i've never seen, or felt, such beauty literally radiating from someone.

i'm just tired of wanting something. i hate that i still want sorim unnie only because she's all i have left. i have no one else to go to. my parents are too busy for me and my siblings are too young to understand what goes on in my complicated and messy brain. i'm so tired of crying. i'm so tired of pretending to be happy. then whenever i am happy, something always decides to ruin my mood. i want to go away.

i'm sorry if you're reading this. you're far too late.
- kim yerim

—•—

sooyoung entered her lecture hall and was met with lots of smiles and waves from her various classmates. they were all jealous by her unforgettable beauty and intellectually gifted brain. she continued to smile at everyone as she loved the attention but decided that she shouldn't be full of herself as she made it to her seat.

"sooyoung, want to do the project with me?" a boy said as he pushed his way through several students to approach sooyoung.

the girl had watched the entire thing unfold before her eyes and her disgust for the boy continued to elevate, until she finally found the boy inches from her face. his cold and disturbing breath automatically made sooyoung realize that the boy had just came from the outside, as well as had gotten something to eat. she slowly leaned back to get away from the boy's annoying encounter and looked straight into the boy's unsettling eyes with confidence struck in her. "hm, maybe if you acted like a human but i'm already partners with someone that has manners," sooyoung said as she picked up her bag and books and walked towards her seat with her partner sitting next to her.

"sooyoung... d-do you even kn-know who th-that w-was?" her friend stuttered as she looked back and forth at the boy and sooyoung.

"relax, kyungjoo. i could care less about who that was," sooyoung said as she started taking out her binder and materials for the class that was about to begin.

"sooyoung!! take this seriously!! he's the most popular and richest guy in our college! the most popular guy asked you to work with him on the project!! because you're the prettiest girl here!!"

"ah, what even. so what if he's the most popular guy? i could care less," sooyoung said as she laughed and got ready to listen to her teacher's lecture.

the lecture finally ended and sooyoung found herself packing up to leave in an automatic manner. she had gotten used to college life and what to do on a daily basis. she watched as kyungjoo waved goodbye to her and as the majority of the class had left.