Forgotten Spark

Chapter 13

"...and so we think those might be connected. Are you even listening to me?" Ostin was saying. It was the next morning, and we were eating breakfast. Or at least, he was. I wasn't doing much more than poking my eggs.

I lifted my head. "Uh, what?" I had spaced out and hadn't heard a word of what Ostin had just said.

He raised an eyebrow. "Didn't think so," he said as he took a bite.

"Sorry," I muttered. "Just have a lot on my mind." Like Taylor. When she had come in to see me sitting with Ostin, she turned and sat with Tessa and Zeus, almost halfway across the room. I wanted to apologize to her about last night, so I hoped she wouldn't avoid me for too long. I had already my mother and Jack, and they had been very understanding, but I mostly regretted what I'd said to Taylor.

"Like a chip?" Ostin asked, then laughed. I sensed he was trying to lighten the mood. It almost worked, too. But I was inconsolable. I just wanted to be in control of myself, and not lash out at stupid things. "But seriously," Ostin said, more sober. "What's up?"

"Can this chip control emotions?" I blurted out, before I could stop myself.

Ostin looked a little confused. "Well, I suppose in theory... You could engineer the chip to target the limbic system, recalibrating the usual chemical reactions that control emotions, therefore altering--"

"Okay, Okay!" I interrupted, putting my hands on my temples. "So is it possible or not? I don't need the full explanation."

"Yes," Ostin said, then less firmly, "...in theory. But then again, a functional chip implant was theoretical too, so... yeah." He nodded solemnly. "Yeah it's most likely possible."

I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. "Okay, thanks."

He tilted his head, looking like a confused puppy. "Why?" Then his eyes widened. "Oh! Is it because of your mood swings?"

Now I tilted my head. "How did you know about that?" I hadn't really told anyone about that.

Ostin snorted. "I've known you for four years! You're not very good at hiding from me. Especially since you've gotten back." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded, then realized I was lashing out again. I rubbed my face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get angry. Yes, it's about my mood swings. I can't control myself!" My eyes burned and I blinked a few times. 

Ostin gave me a sympathetic glance. "I think the chip is part of it. But removing it won't completely get rid of the mood swings. You were in a coma, Michael. People don't just bounce back from that. And as I mentioned yesterday, many people with head injuries experience a change in personality, so this may just be a part of that."

I groaned. "I hope not! I just want to be in control of my own head!"

Ostin shrugged. "Well, then, you'll probably get a handle on it then. Lots of disabilities have been overcome by sheer force of will. There have been many cases of paraplegics, or people who are paralyzed, who recover fully, even though they're told they'd never walk again." He leaned forward. "You literally just got out of your coma. Give it time. Practice discipline. Like, whenever you start to get unnecessarily angry, all you have to do is notice, and calm yourself, and eventually you'll be in control. Easier said than done, I know, but you're already doing that. Just now, you did."

I mulled over that. I supposed that could work. "I'll work on it. But it the meantime, can we get this chip out of my brain?"

Ostin shrugged. "We're not sure. We'll have to run some tests to make sure we can remove it without damaging your brain. The wires go through some very sensitive, and important areas, and if we just take it out, you could end up paralyzed at best."