Its taken me 39 years to realize that I must love myself 1st and never settle for someone who is going to de-value me, disrespect me or abuse me. I have yet to have 1 "normal" relationship in my entire adult life because I have never valued myself or respected Myself enough to See I was worth more than what I had been settling for.
I Struggle with letting go of an abusive partner because I still think I can fix them or that I was some how in the wrong or the cause of the failure or break up. I hate rejection more than anything expecially when It's coming from someone I desire, love or admire. I can't seem to accept the fact that I fall short of a mans expectations or desires. The what's wrong with me vibe is over powering and I became obsessed with fixing what ever it is so he will want me or love me the way I want to be desired and loved.
My most recent relationship was doomed from day 1 but I was so obsessed sexually and vulnerable emotionally I couldn't see the toxicity the connection had in-store for me. For us, I can't say I was the only victim of circumstances, he and I both seem to have suffered losses and neither of us appeared to be very happy most o of the time. I have a hard time accepting the horrible things he said to me and the cruel and destructive behavior he inflicted upon me.
I am learning that in living myself 1st i will find real love in return.
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Lessons Learned
AcakI've made many mistakes in my life and I've learned so much from each one of them. Here are a few of them and the potentially life saving lessons you can learn.
