Sanders Sides One-Shots

Guilt

AU: highschool!sides, enby!patton, enby!virgil

Ship(s): Patton x OC, Moxiety

Trigger Warnings: Transphobia, Toxic Relationship, Homophobia, Name-Calling, Coming Out, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, Guilt

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Patton confessed his feelings for Ezra while they were doing some meaningless task for the principal of the school. Despite Ezra having a boyfriend, he also said that he 'like-liked' Patton as well. Patton, being the hopeless romantic he was, felt ecstatic. He assumed nothing would come of this, but Patton did feel a bit of confidence surge through his cripplingly-insecure veins.

When Patton found out that Ezra had dumped his boyfriend, Patton felt guilty. But, Ezra had told him that he was going to dump his boyfriend before Patton confessed his feelings. This wasn't Patton's fault, was it?

When Patton saw the drawing that Ezra had made (a child-like drawing of the two of them holding hands), Patton felt excited. Clearly, Ezra wanted them to date. Patton wondered if he was interpreting this wrong, but why would Ezra have shown him the drawing if he wasn't interested?

When Patton asked Ezra out, he said 'no'. Patton's smile fell as he realized that he had been stupid enough to believe someone like Ezra could ever 'like-like' someone like Patton. As Patton began to fall into a heap of negative thoughts, Ezra then laughed and said 'yes'. It had been a joke. Patton brightened up immediately.

Patton said 'I love you' first. It wasn't like Patton hadn't said it before - Ezra and him had been friends before that, and Patton loved reminding his friends how much he cared. Ezra said it back, alleviating any guilt Patton felt at possibly talking out of turn.

Patton's parents decided to go through the iPod Touch Patton used to talk to Ezra. When they saw the words 'I love you' in the messages sent to Ezra, they got mad. His mom threw Patton's beloved childhood iPod with countless memories against the wall, rendering it broken. The screen didn't crack, but the image shown was fuzzy and had a stripe down the middle of broken light. Patton felt guilty that night, crying himself to sleep. Of course his parents weren't happy with Patton's behavior.

Patton tried to break up with Ezra the next day, figuring it was the right thing to do. His parents wouldn't have told him to do this if it wasn't in his best interest, right? They had always wanted him to be happy, right? So they had to be correct. When Patton told Ezra of the incidents of last night and attempted to cut off the relationship, Ezra offered an alternative. They could continue dating if Patton lied to his parents and said they'd broken up. Patton hated lying, but he would've hated disappointing Ezra more. He would feel guilty for a while, but he surmised he'd eventually feel better about the predicament.

Patton and Ezra had their first dance at a Halloween school dance. They danced to "Livin' on a Prayer". It wasn't a conventional song, but Patton had thought that it was sweet. Their relationship wasn't exactly conventional as it was.

On one night, Patton was having a breakdown. After self-harming at least once a day for a long time, he'd run out of bandages, which set off Patton. He was wasteful and worthless. He sent an e-mail to Ezra asking him what he could've possibly ever seen in Patton. Ezra sent back a long e-mail, complimenting every little thing about him. His patience, his passion, his love. Patton started crying out of joy.

Patton felt guilty about how emotional he'd get and how he relied on Ezra too heavily for support and warmth. Ezra seemed happy enough to love him, but Patton still felt guilty. In some feeble attempt to break even, he told Ezra that if anything was ever bothering him, he could tell Patton. Especially if Patton was the person bothering him. Ezra told Patton that he would never be bothered by his boyfriend, but he'd keep the other part in mind. Patton smiled. He felt alright.