Alpha Mikael

the sun and her flowers

what is it with you and sunflowers he asks
i point to the field of yellow outside
sunflowers worship the sun i tell him
only when it arrives do they rise

when the sun leaves
they bow their heads in mourning
that is what the sun does to those flowers
it's what you do to me

- the sun and her flowers

Rupi Kaur

the sun and her flowers

^^^^^^^^^^^

Getting through the days became easier as time passed by. Wine after wine, take out after take out is what made me get through the days to be honest.

The first few days were the hardest. Waking up to an empty side of the bed, eating breakfast alone. The worst was that you don't have anyone to talk to.

Mary stayed with me for 2 days, but after that she had to get back to her own family. She had been lucky enough to find her mate at 17 years old, immediately getting together. She turned 21 last month and already has the cutest baby you could possibly imagine.

I've never been jealous of her, not once in my life. Yesterday seemed to have changed that. The moment Luke came to pick her up, their little girl strapped in the back seat. Opening her door and giving her a kiss before she gets in. I just couldn't, I couldn't not be jealous.

I miss Caleb. Missing him made me wish he's come back to me, but I know he would never. I don't think I would do that, if I had found my mate.

I understand why he left me, I just don't seem to be able to accept it.

The hurt of missing someone is the worst. I never had to experience something like this before. I can only describe it as a feeling of your heart breaking and someone dying at the same time. Both causing an agonizing pain; multiply that and you'll have the amount of self-pity I'm feeling at the moment.

I feel disgusted by myself and my lack of selfcare, I finally get myself to take a shower after 3 days. I'm reeking of my own sweat and my breath isn't any better. The fact that I could smell it myself and be this disgusted with it, tells me enough.

I have to suck it up and get back to living life, like I would have if Caleb had never been here.

I know it will be impossible to forgot him, but all I can do right now is remember the good times with Caleb and hope someone else will stumble upon my path.

I can't keep hoping Caleb will come back to me. We weren't forever, mates are.

A message from my phone pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn off the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I slightly dry my hair before checking my phone.

Hey Isla! Coming with us tonight? Finally getting laid to get rid of that heartbreak, girl! The girls and I are going to Anton's tonight, some boys are joining too though. Meet us there at 9. Loveyou! -Kiara

Kiara is one of my best friends, along with Sara and Fay. I'm guessing she's talking about Grayson, Sebastian and possibly Stan with her reference to 'some boys'. Knowing she's not talking about Caleb, otherwise she would've never asked me to join. Anton's is a local pub downtown which we go to a lot.

Sara and Stan are the only couple left in our group. Fay and Grayson have been 'hanging out' a lot though. We all know what that means. I think they're just not ready to get in a relationship knowing that their mates are out there somewhere. Caleb and I were the only ones stupid enough to risk it. Luckily for Sara and Stan, they are mates. Sara doesn't have to worry about 'the destined one' to come along and steal her man.

Ok, Kia. See u tonight! Ready to get wasted. Loveyou2!

As I step into my bedroom I notice the mess I made over the past few days. Clothes scattered everywhere. Dirty underwear on my bed. Tissues everywhere. Too dirty to even talk about. I wrap my wet hair in the towel I'm holding and get in some clean underwear.

After a full hour of cleaning my room I'm sweaty all over again. Knowing I'm too lazy to take another shower I just spray some deodorant under my armpits- and everywhere else. I dry blow my damp hair and decide on what I will wear to Anton's.

I decide on something casual. Just some blue jeans with a black shirt tucked in it. I grab my leather jacket and some sneakers out of my closet. Taking both with me downstairs.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I answer it without looking and say a quick hello.

"Hey, Iz. Grayson here, want me to pick you up? On my way to Anton's right now." I can hear the sounds of him driving in his car in the background and I instantly smile. I've missed my friends for the past few days. It will be good for me to go out for a bit. Get out of the house and have some fun.

"Hey, Gray. Sure." I tell him, he tells me he'll be here in a minute. "I still need to do some little things though. I'll try to hurry up, but you know me." I say laughing.

I hear his deep chuckle from the other end of the line. "I do, I'll just wait outside till you're done."

"Alright, see you in 5 minutes then!"

"10 it is!" He says, I can still hear him chuckle before he hangs up.

I hurry on getting my shoes on while eating a cheese sandwich for dinner. I can hear Grayson's car pulling up outside and I grab the leather jacket from the chair, hurrying to the door with half my sandwich hanging out of my mouth.

A muffled 'hey' comes out of my mouth as I close the front door after me, waving at Grayson. Who is leaning on his black sportscar. Alpha's do have a lot of pro's, one of them obviously being the car.

"Hey, Iz." He says, walking towards me and wrapping his arms around me. He's never really the hug kind of guy, but whenever somebody close to him needs it he gives the best ones ever. Grayson is a big guy, muscular in all the good places. Well, there really are no bad places if you ask me, but you know what I mean. Hulky shoulders and a strong... everything.

Grayson has always been a good friend of mine. We used to play a lot when we were little. His dad being the Alpha and mine being the Beta. Our mothers became close that way and the same goes for us. Nearly born in the same week and grown up as siblings.

"Let's have some fun tonight, hmm?" He asks, stepping back slightly from our hug, not completely letting go though.

I nod at him and wrap one arm around his middle and nearly skip to the car with excitement. I never thought I'd be this excited to go out tonight when I told Kiara I'd come. But seeing Grayson again and knowing all my other friends will be there too tonight, I just know I'll have fun tonight. Even if Caleb isn't there with me as mine.

Turning the volume up to TLC singing No Scrubs I smile at Grayson as he drives off, "Let's go." He says, throwing me a wink.