Alpha Mikael

woman

you were a flower
blooming
before his very eyes
but he
could not see
your value

- woman

Cherie Avritt

she was the storm

^^^^^^^^^^^

After the run with Fay we went back to her house where Kiara and Sara were waiting for us. I hadn't seen them since the night at Anton's. My head hadn't been this clear in a long time, showing me how bad I had actually needed that run.

Sometimes I forget to listen to my own body when I'm too caught up in my own thoughts. A true thing which I should really work on. Like many underlying meaning of romantic books is to take care of yourself first. Of course my life isn't a romantic novel, but still. The underlying meaning should still apply to me as well.

"Have you spoken to him yet, Iz?" Sara asks, it's a miracle she's here without Stan. He normally wouldn't leave her alone for so long, especially at night. 'Not a worried mate' my ass.

"I haven't actually. I don't think I will." I reach for another hand full of popcorn to fill my mouth up, as an excuse not to answer their questions. Which was absolutely senseless.

"What do you mean, Isla?" Kiara joins in with her bothering questions. She actually had the guts to grab the bowl of popcorn from my lap and move it into hers.

I glare at her before answering her nonetheless. "He just looked at me like he never wanted to see me again. So I don't think we'll meet again, which doesn't bother me that much to be honest." It did.

They know I'm lying about that, about my feelings and all the emotions running wild inside of me. They know me better than a whole lot of people, with a few exceptions. Even if I wanted to hide my true feelings from them, Fay would never believe them. Kiara and Sara are good at reading me, but sometimes it feels as if Fay can truly read my thoughts. That's how creepily well she knows how I'm feeling at times.

"We know you do care, Iz." She scoots closer to me and wraps her arm around me as she steals the popcorn bowl back for me. She truly does knows me best sometimes. "In some situations it's best to take matter into your own hands, even if it scares the shit out of you."

"Exactly, be brave and show him what he's willing to leave behind." Kiara amplifies.

Sara nods her head and smiles at me softly, "fight for what you think is worth fighting for. And believe me, a mate is entirely worth fighting for." Her smile grows bigger as she thinks of her own mate, making me think of my presumably mate.

I wish it was as easy as they make it sound. I wish it was an one-to-one combat and all I had to do was fight someone to win him over. It wasn't that simple, nothing ever is. I felt as if the world is turned against me, like everything I do is bound to be miserable. Like even as simple as returning a skirt to its store, but not getting the money back because they fucked up my order to begin with. Personal experience, right there. It took me about 2 months and 5 phone calls to the service centre before I finally got my money back. Have some decency!

Anyway, not the point. I tend to get carried away when this subject comes up.

The point is that how am I supposed to know what to fight for, or even how to fight for it in general. Do I beg him? Do I seduce him and let him impregnate me and then guilt him into staying with me? I mean, social media says that's a pretty popular trend at the moment. Wouldn't hurt to try, right?

Fay pulls me out of my thoughts as she lays her head on my shoulder. She scooted closer and sighed deeply. "Just think about the feeling of being with him." She mumbles, very softly, but loud enough for us to hear. "Can you imagine having someone that can make you feel things like you've never felt before." She closes her eyes for a second, maybe imagining her own mate, who must be out there somewhere.

"Aren't things going well with Grayson?" Sara says, in such a sweet tone it reminds me of how tender she really is.

"They are, but sometimes I just wonder about how things can just... change all of a sudden. Like with Isla and-" Fay cuts off her sentence and lifts her head from my shoulder. I can see she is about to apologize for mentioning Caleb, but I quickly grab her hand and squeeze softly. I smile softly at her and decide it's my turn to lean on her.

"As cringy as it may sound... life really is unpredictable. Maybe even more so for us, because we can turn into fucking wolves." I laugh at my own remark and the girls chuckle along. Thank God, because the most awkward thing in the world is making a joke and no one laughing. And honestly, I do not think I'd be able to handle to hit the pit that low.

As I lay on Fay's lap and her hands softly play with my hair. Which she knows I love. I can't not think about Mikael. I think about his green eyes and what they would look like if they'd be filled with lust, maybe even love... for me. Finding it deep inside my heart's desire to admit that secretly all I really want is to be happy, with a partner by my side. A lifelong partner. Someone you can trust with the biggest things... but also, the even more important, small things. Like making sure your curling iron is turned off before you leave, because you just always seem to forget that. Or asking for a sandwich, and without asking he already knows you want cheese and not tuna.

As I think about all the small things I crave to have, I can't stop the small tear from trailing down my cheek.