Valli : Personal Journal of Valli Pillay, a Living Dead Pandemic Survivor

Entry 8

During my PTSD management sessions with Fergie I can talk about whatever I want to and to be honest I'm starting to enjoy my time with him. What's cool is he'll let the sessions go over the prescribed time. The other day we talked about love. Not love between a mother and her child; rather falling in love. Naturally, it made me think of Andy. I didn't talk about him. Instead I talked about my current boyfriend, Pedro, and my relationship with him. It was going well. Since Andy there had been no one else. In the past years, romance was not on my list of priorities. Staying alive was.

I met Pedro a few months after I settled in Namibia. We clicked, the romance was slow and continues to grow. I am in no rush. But I worry. Pedro is a pilot and he does not have the safest job in the world. If we were living in a normal world maybe, in the before world; not in this world, our new world. The planes lack spare parts, and he flew missions to wherever survivors had been found and landed the plane wherever he could, an old highway or the savannah. But he wasn't going to change what he did, not even for me. If I were to get pregnant he would be transferred into something less dangerous, maybe training other pilots. The Global Council does not want fathers and mothers to be involved in dangerous lines of work. I can't blame them. We need live bodies to grow and multiply. Hopefully we, the human race, don't mess it up again.

After I left Fergie's office, I started thinking about Andy again. My first love.

Andy with his afro of sorts, and glasses which gave his face a nerdy look—to me he was gorgeous. Andy went to St. Joseph College in Curepipe. He was smart, which meant high expectations from his teachers and parents. The pressure got to him sometimes. Rémoire changed all that. Someone had told his mom about it, and he started taking it on a regular basis.

When he first told me about it we were on the bus heading home from the movies. We held hands underneath my school bag. We were always afraid of getting caught by our parents or a relative.

"This thing is the key," he told me when he first started taking it. "I've been acing exam papers, like that!" He snapped his fingers. He painted it as the perfect solution for every student.

He got me so excited about Rémoire I went home and told my parents about it.

"Maybe I can start taking it next year for my O-levels," I said.

"I don't think so," Mom said. "Rémoire is for people with Alzheimer's and other brain-related degenerative diseases and illnesses."

"It's not meant for people who have a perfectly functioning brain," Dad said. "Well in your case mostly functioning." He laughed at his joke and Mom smiled.

"Dad! It could really help me with my studies. My friend Andy is taking it and he says it helps him ace his exams."

Mom and Dad looked at one another and smiled.

"Andy, he's Vega's boy right? Plays the tabla at kovil?" Mom asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Even if your boyfriend is taking it," Dad said, "doesn't mean you can take it," and he winked at Vani. Mom put her hand to her mouth and giggled.

"Val has a boyfriend, Val has a boyfriend," Vani started singing. "Andy is his name. He plays the tabla at the temple with his big afro hair on his big head."

Vani was good at making up songs to make fun of people. Mom and Dad started to laugh.

"He doesn't have a big head!" I yelled and went to my room. They ignored me and kept laughing. I knew they were kidding around, but at that moment I hated them. How dare they think they knew better than Andy?