Valli : Personal Journal of Valli Pillay, a Living Dead Pandemic Survivor

Entry 24

Therapy, therapy, and more therapy, the mot du jour from Fergie, whom I met today for, well—my therapy. He asked me how the writing was coming along. Was it a cathartic experience? I'm not sure. Will it ever be? I guess to some extent it might be. I have felt better, and speaking to Fergie has helped. Not a hundred percent. Can it ever be a hundred percent okay? I still think about my previous life, especially the people. I'm always thinking about them. I'm sure I am not the only one who goes through this. The other night Pedro and I went for a walk. We walked for a while. Pedro told me he thinks about his parents a lot. They were in Lisbon and were due to fly back to Luanda when the outbreak started. Pedro has no clue as to what happened to them and continues to hope he will find them alive. They had gone to Portugal to visit his uncle, his mother's brother. He had spoken to them daily on Skype, up until all communications collapsed in Angola and he was forced to flee Luanda. He left with most of his extended family. His siblings survived. All four of them now live in Namibia and he is grateful. His sister isn't doing so well though, she has serious survivor's guilt. Her husband and baby didn't survive. Pedro thinks about his nephew too and he feels bad. Fergie is treating his sister as best as he can. But Pedro feels their efforts might be failing.

It turns out she has taken a turn for the worse and will need to be hospitalized. Cases like this put a strain on our stretched system, but we have no choice. We're not going to give up on her.

There are lots of cases like that around the world. However, the medicine once available in the past is no longer to be found. Fergie says the best medicine is one another. He said it was another reason I needed to be strong, so I can come through for Pedro and all the others who need me.

"Don't give in," Fergie said, "no matter what you are feeling. The more of us that give in, the more we lose the battle against the survival of our species."

It is so hard not to give in.