I felt like clamps had been strapped to my arms, pulling me further down into a cold ocean. It was that same falling motion that jolted you out of sleep on those odd nights, but it wasn't the fall that was waking me, it was the faint call of my name in the distance.
I was thrashing against the memory of my dad and Marcus and Levi. I could feel my throat tightening around each call out to them, every buck of my arms as I tried to scrape the memory away.
"Laken!" I heard my name softly called. It was then I noticed my eyes were closed, and slowly, I pulled them open.
It was so dark for a moment I still pictured myself back there; with my dad crumbling to the floor and the blood dripping from Marcus's forehead. Something wrapped around me, and in the blinding panic of it all, I started beating my hands in front of me, pushing away from whatever or whoever was there.
"Stop stop stop!" I repeated, my voice hoarse, as my hands made their way up to my head, my hair, digging into my scalp.
They were still there, circling in my mind and they wouldn't stop calling to me.
"It's just me." The warm, honey voice said again. It wasn't the one I feared to hear, the one that brought back deadly memories. It was the one that helped to repel the death that was inside me. The one I was growing to love. "It's just me."
I looked up then as my breath hiccupped out of me in short rasps, to find Levi's dim-lit face above me. He was kneeling on the spare bed in front of my curled up form. One arm held one of my wrists against his chest, the other wrapped around my back, holding me to him.
It took me a few minutes to calm down and to steady my breathing, but once I had, it was shame that was knocking the breath out of me. "I'm so sorry." I said, looking up. "Crap, did I hit you?" I shook my head- that was the least of my problems. "I'm so sorry." I repeated.
Levi's hand went to my chin, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. He shook his head like he didn't know what to say. "What was that?" He asked slowly.
I opened my mouth and closed it again. What was that? That was me. That was the me I wanted so desperately to hide from him, to prove that I could be better. That was the me that would never be good enough for someone like Levi. "I'm sorry." I said again because saying the latter would ruin a lot.
He pulled me against his chest. "It's okay. Just... please explain to me what that was."
"I..." I stuttered. "I don't know." I lied. "It's just a nightmare. I thought they'd stopped." I added before I could process my words. "I mean..."
"This has happened before?" Levi asked, pulling away from me. I tried to look away, but ablaze eyes were making that practically impossible. "It has, hasn't it?" As was lying straight into them, so with a deep crimson covering my cheeks and an ache in my chest, I nodded.
He lowered his head like the knowledge hurt him. He'd probably realised just what he'd walked into; A crazy, damaged thing. Honestly, I was surprised he hadn't figured it out and ran before.
"How often?" He asked.
I didn't want to answer, I didn't want to have to talk about this anymore. I just wanted to leave, get out before he told me to. But when his hands landed on my shoulders and lightly squoze reassuringly, It just blurted out of me. "Not recently, but it used to be a few times a week." I whispered.
He let out a breath. "Right." He muttered.
I hesitated before I spoke. "I know urm... Can I just ask- How did you know I was like this?"
His eyebrows lowered for a second in confusion, and then the cloud moved from his eyes and he nodded in understanding. "You were... screaming, Laken. You were shouting out for someone."
