Not As Different As They Thought

Chapter 13

Riley's POV

"And the last group will be Beck and Riley....." I immediately tuned out what the teacher was saying at that point.

Me and Beck? No. I can't look at him without bursting into tears. I can barely think about him without getting teary eyed. What am I going to do? The only reason I stopped talking to him was because clearly we aren't meant to be... but I still care about him so much. And after I told him to leave my hospital room, he said he loves me. And I think I love him back. But I've been nothing but cruel to him. He can't possibly still like me. Those smiles in the halls are just pity smiles. He feels bad for me. That has to be it.

Suddenly I heard snapping besides me and I tuned back in. Everyone was talking and I quick glanced sideways and I saw Beck. Knowing he'd get me to hear whatever it was he wanted to say, I looked down at his hands but not at his face.

He started signing once he noticed I was paying attention, 'I know you don't really want anything to do with me anymore.. but honestly Riley, I cannot accept that. I really care about you and I'm not letting you get out of my life that easily. I'm a stubborn asshole.' -- I couldn't help but smile a little, but I quickly dropped it-- 'I don't care if we're just acquaintances.. I need to be able to talk to you.

He's heartbroken. I can't believe I did that to him. Why does he still care about me? After I've been so bad to him for the past month. Maybe I should give this another chance... maybe this is a sign that I was being stupid and emotional because I had just been through trama. I don't know. Ugh...

After like a minute of overthinking, I came to my decision, so I signed my reply very slowly- because my fingers are still healing-, 'Ok.'

He looked relieved, when I finally looked at his face I mean, but I got scared once I noticed he was looking at my face and hands closely. I know I still have cuts and bruises. And I hate it because people look at me weirdly. Like I fought someone and now they're scared. Or some shit. People are stupid.

He went from looking at my cheeks and looked me in the eyes. We locked eyes for what felt like forever, but in reality was probably just a minute. And then he smiled his famous smile at me. His real one, not the small ones he gave me over the past month in the halls. His gorgeous genuinely happy smile. I couldn't help but smile back. It wasn't a huge smile, but it made him smile even wider. It melted my heart.

After we stopped staring at each other, Beck told me what we were supposed to be doing and we picked a company (Samsung) and by the time we decided that, class was almost over.

'I'm sorry I pushed you away, Beck', I signed slowly.

He smiled lightly, 'It's okay, Riley. Hey, do you want to hang out after school today? It'll help your fingers get used to signing again so you aren't as slow.'

Hang out with Beck alone? Am I ready for that? What would happen? Shit....

He waved his hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my trance.

He laughed a little, 'Is that a maybe?'

I laughed awkwardly, 'Sorry.. I've been in my head a lot lately. Sure, we can hang out. But let's go to a park or something.'

He smiled, 'Okay. I'll meet you by the main entrance of the school after last period then. Bye.'

I smiled a little, nodded, and waved as he walked out the door.

The bell rang but I just stood there like an idiot until I realized I'd be late and I bolted to my next hour.

Oh today will be fun.. ha ha....

**

Right now Beck and I are just silently in his car and driving to... who knows where. He said he's taking us to a park that isn't that popular so not a lot of people will be there. And honestly I don't know how to feel about that. Like I don't want to be around a lot of people.. but do I want to be with Beck alone?

After like 30 minutes of driving, Beck finally pulled up to a huge field looking thing and parked on the side of the road. Usually I'd think this is illegal, but I looked closer and saw that there were white lines painted on the ground for slanted parking spaces. That made me feel better.

We hopped out of the car and met around the front of his car and he signed, 'I like to come here when I want to be alone or just think. Come on, I know a great place to sit in the shade.'

I just smiled slightly and nodded.

And that made him smile as he lead the way to this mysterious shaded sitting spot.

We walked for a little bit till we got to the tree line, the field was an acre or so and then there was forest on the side opposite the road.

I got scared so I stopped walking. And Beck sensed that and as he was taking a step into the trees, he turned around and looked confused and worried.

'What's wrong?'

It took me a second, but eventually I started signing slowly, 'I just... trust is hard right now... for me...'

He smiled lightly and nodded his head, 'I understand. Okay, we'll just sit right here.'

'Thank you.'

And there we sat. He leaned against a tree while I sat in the sun because I thought it felt good on my back. Especially because I was wearing black.

We talked for a while until he started to look nervous.

'Can I ask you something?'

Oh no..

I slowly nodded.