Not So Fresh Start |PJM •нιaтυѕ•

Chapter Nine: Love Me

Disclaimer:

The following chapter contains depression and suicidal thoughts. Please do not continue reading if this topic is very sensitive for you.

If you are depressed and have suicidal thoughts, please contact your local suicide hotline and seek help. No one should have to face depression no matter the reason, and especially not alone.

Taehyung's POV

I was standing there in the cold rain -- alone. I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to face the empty apartment. I noticed that Akaiya drove in the exact same direction that Jimin had ran. I wanted to go with her, but I knew I wasn't what she wanted. She wanted Jimin.

"She'll never love you. She'd never run after you like she runs after Jimin. You'll never be anything important to her." I said to myself just standing in the rain.

"Why do you have to make everything about you Jimin?" I clenched my fist, but I stopped realizing that it wasn't Jimin's fault. It wasn't his fault that I fell for something that would never catch me.

"Why bother?"at this moment I was questioning my purpose in living. It's not like they would miss me, I was only the entertainment. They can entertain each other now. I called Akaiya's phone for our last goodbye, for our last conversation that wasn't about Jimin.

The phone rang consistently, but no one answered.

'Hey! This is Akaiya. I am so sorry that I wasn't able to answer the phone. Trust me I'll get back to you soon! Love you, muah!'

The automated voice message ended with an ear piercing beep at the end.

"Hey Akaiya, this is Taehyung. Ummm, I know you are probably busy with Jimin -- but I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that this may be the last time you hear my voice. Ummm, so yea. Don't bother calling back, because it will have already been too late. Bye Akaiya, I hope Jimin treats you like I would've."

I wanted to send the message, but I knew that by the time she called back that it would be too late.

I drew the little strength I had left to walk to the apartment by myself in the rain, knowing that Akaiya probably reached Jimin by now, and that they were probably making out in the rain. When I reached the apartment I listened to the sound of the key turning the gears. As soon as I opened the door I was swept with a rush of cold air. I never noticed on big and cold the apartment was, it was always filled with the laughter and joy from others. Now this apartment just seemed like a place to echo my cries and silent pleas for help.

I walked into the kitchen to grab a knife, but something in me just couldn't. My body tensed up and I looked at my arms realizing that this wasn't me.

I yearned to be loved, but not to be hurt. I slid down the wall of the kitchen with my hands through my soaked hair.

"Just for you to love me is all I ask. Love me and not him. Love me."

"Cause I still want you..."

Author's Note:

If you read this chapter and you know a friend who is depressed or you yourself is depressed, contact your local suicide hotline. 'Cause no one should suffer depression alone.

I love you guys, but most importantly love yourself! ❤