What The Heart Wants

Chapter 31

Alison thought of Camila, and for the first time, the anger didn't come. She felt only gratitude and tenderness, that if she had to go, she hadn't left her alone. Camila had given her these two little ones, not as an eighteen-year sentence to struggle through.

But as a gift. The greatest gift.

What was freedom, really? She'd never had much of it, and she'd believed that she hungered for it.

But freedom was nothing. Not compared to her children, not stacked up against Ellie and Jake.

And the new baby, her and Emily's baby?

What a jackass she'd been.

She wanted the new baby, too. She truly did.

That girl who wanted freedom? She, Alison DiLaurentis, wasn't that woman and she would never be. She was a mom and a damned good one. She wanted Emily back, so she could be a wife, too. She wanted it all with her – The two of them together openly, with the family around them, raising Jake and Ellie and the new baby, as well.

Downstairs, she heard the front door open.

Emily?

Her heart raced with hope. Pepe perked up his ears as the kids wriggled free of her hold and sat up. Footsteps mounted the stairs.

Sinuhe appeared in the open doorway to the upstairs hall.

"Gwamma!" Ellie got up and went to her.

Sinuhe scooped the little girl into her arms, kissed her once on her forehead and then propped her on her hop.

"My sister and Emily have gone to New York."

"I know. Hanna told me."

"What is the matter with you, Alison? I can't believe you let Emily go." She scowled down at her.

"What are you doing here?" Toys dropping off her and clattering to the rug, she rose. "I thought you were furious with her – and with me."

"I was." Ellie squirmed, so Sinuhe let her down. Both kids headed for the toy box as she continued, "And I was wrong – don't look at me like that, Alison DiLaurentis. I'm capable of admitting when I'm in the wrong. I love you. And I love her. She's the only daughter I have left. And she took off with Pam in that embarrassing purple bus, took off to New York to visit someone named Dweezle. I know it's your fault, Alison. I behaved very badly, and I realized that now. But she wouldn't leave just because of me. What did you do to her? What did you say?"

Shamed rolled through her. The blonde confessed, "All the wrong things." Alison slightly shook her head in embarrassment.

"I knew it." Sinuhe sagged in the doorway. But then she seemed to catch herself. She drew herself up. "I've been trying to call them. Both of them. My calls go straight to voicemail."

"Maybe they don't want to talk to you." Ali answered in such a small voice.

Sinuhe made one of those faces women are always making towards men, as though they can't help wondering how one half of the species could be so thoroughly aggravating and hopelessly dense. "No kidding. Have you tried calling them?" When Alison didn't answer, the older woman's expression turned smug. "Coward."

Alison couldn't let that remark stand – even if it did happen to be true. She grabbed her phone from where she'd left it on the kids' dresser and auto dialed Emily.

And got voice mail.

As she waited through her recorded greeting, she tried to decide what the hell to say.