Forget Me Not

Kiyan Chapter 57

"Okay I have wipes, diapers, bottles, I have plenty of milk. Wait you can't take kids home without a car seat!" I quickly snatched my keys off of the table before Jai snatched them right back. "Girl calm down, Brees due date is a month away. I'm pretty sure you'll have six car seats by the time the baby gets here" My sister was right, ever since Kim and Bryce gave me the okay to adopt their granddaughter, I was running around baby proofing everything, making sure it was safe for their arrival. Even the close were unisex due to the fact that Bree wanted the gender to be a surprise, I didn't care what it was, as long as he or she was healthy. I couldn't believe in a month or so I would be responsible for someone else's life, Bree called me at least every other day to than me for adopting her child, she didn't vocalize it, but I knew she was excited to see the child grow up. Even Kim and I buried the hatchet, everyone seemed to think it was a good idea. Bree would be able to finish school and I....I needed to a good deed for once. I was sick of hurting people and being the screw up, sick of apologizing, everyone had been a hero in their story, it was my turn to put someone needs above my own. "I just want everything to be perfect, I don't want anything to go wrong Jai" She turned away from putting up the cans of Similac, she was on cabinet number two, I guess I did get a little carried away. "You'll be fine Ky, you're great with kids." "Since when? I've never wanted kids, what if I'm like mama? She hadn't always been that way Jai, something in her caused her to snap" Jai nodded. "Yeah....crack" We left it at that. "You've treated Bree like she was your own since she was a baby, you'll be a perfect mom Ky" She patted my hand and went to answer her phone. By the smirk on her face I figured it was her forgein lover from Europe, Ishmael. "I told you I'm not ready for that yet Ish. When I get done here, I don't know many times I'm going to explain that to you!" I frowned as I listened to her conversation and watched her pace the room. "That's not what I'm saying....no of course I love you....stop with that insecure crap! Ish, I'm forty years old, I don't need an ultimatum from you! Hello ish? Ish? Dammit" She threw her phone on the couch and I quickly turned my head pretending to put up the rest of the groceries. "I know you heard everything nosy rosy" She folded her arms daring me to lie. I squinted my eyes faking confused. "What.....huh? What are you talking about?" She rolled her eyes at me not in the least bit entertained. Her shoulders were heavy as she sat on the couch. "He's ready for me to come home........and set a wedding date" I almost dropped the bag I was holding. "He proposed! Wait who is he! You got engaged without telling us you were even seeing someone!" She shook her head. "No I've known him for years, we reconnected about two years ago when I had to help run your practices. I had never ran a business before, but he had, he showed me how to hire employees, how to balance the books, anything that had to do with being a owner he showed me." Her eyes twinkled as she talked about him. "So why haven't we met him yet? Or at least seen a picture?" Again she sighed and dropped her shoulders. "There was never a good time to introduce him, if it wasn't something concerning you or Bryce then it had something to do with mom. It just everyone else problems our weighted my good news" I internally kicked myself for being such a clutch. "I was going to tell you the night you had your accident. I was so excited" She giggled slightly and it made me smile. "You had just found out you were having a girl and Bryce has renewed his contract for the NFL, I was going to take everyone to dinner that night. Ish had come down, he was waiting in my hotel room nervous as hell" She let out a huge laugh then. "He had changed his tie at least six times, like you guys were going to look at his clothes and automatically dislike him" She shook her head wiping away the tears that had escaped. "But when Bryce called me and said that you had been hurt....I thought I was going to die Ky, I literally thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I know you have had an extremely hard time dealing with Yohan and the situation with Parish, but I'm proud of you" I frowned urging her to explain. "Everything that's been thrown your way has been enough to make even the strongest person fold, but you never let it stop you Ky." I smiled, not knowing what else to say. Sensing the subject was a bit heavy Jai threw her hands up. "So yeah that's why he's been a huge secret." "So whats stopping you now?" "Isn't it obvious? Too much is going on right now, I can't just pick up and go back to Europe, he's going to have to understand that" She said matter of fact. "It's not up to him to understand, and it's not fair to assume he will" I sighed as I realized where I went wrong in my own marriage. Always assuming he would be there to catch me when I fell. "Jai it will always be something going wrong, always something that gets in the way of everything being perfect but you shouldn't let it stop your happiness. A good man isn't going to wait forever......trust me" I walked up the stairs ending the conversation.
Hours later we were sitting in the living room drinking wine and watching scary movies. A small going away party, Jai called her fiancé back and he got a plain ticket for tomorrow evening. Jai agreed to come back once Bree's baby was born, they had even set a wedding date "I can't believe this use to scare you guys" She cracked up as we watched Jeepers Creepers. I couldn't believe it myself, this movie was almost laughable now. "We would all be in your twin sized bed after a night of watching this" Jai giggled as she sipped her wine. "After begging to watch it at that" A light knocking on the door caused us to jump and spill our wine. "Okay we're too drunk" Jai put her drink down and headed in the kitchen to grab some paper towels. I walked towards the door feeling my heart beat increase as I saw the tip of his dreads. I immediately swung the door open "What are you doing here?" It came out harsher than I intended it to." "I mean I'm just saying, why didn't you use your key?" "I saw someone's car out front, I didn't want to be rude if you had company" I searched his eyes looking for jealousy, anger, regret, but I came back empty. "It's just Jai..... this is your house too Yohan.....come in" He shook his head. "I can come back another time Ky, I was just trying to pick up a few things and take them ho.....I just needed to pick up a few things" I almost cried out when I heard him refer to her house as home. Just a year ago this was his home, be built it for me He must have said something that I didn't here because he started to walk away until I grabbed his arm. "Yohan you can't really be serious. It's been two months, if you wanted a break you got it, wanted kids you got one, if you wanted to hurt me,mission accomplished, baby just come home. I'll do whatever you want me to do. Please" I finally read something in his eyes that I thought would never be there, at least never directed towards me:pity, he felt sorry for me. "Kiyanna- "No! We both messed up, we both cheated. Why does it matter how long it went on, wrong is wrong." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I think I should go" I was desperate, I didn't have any other cards to play, so I grabbed him by his leather jacket and stuck my tongue in his mouth. He instantly fought against me, but I held on. I held on to him like I was holding onto my marriage, until his grip around my waist tightened and he sucked my tongue lightly. His strong hands gripped my behind and I heard him his as I sucked on his neck "Yohan" I felt him harden against my stomach and my entire body was covered in chills as I anticipated feeling him inside me again, "No I can't do this.... I can't....Ky stop. I can't do this anymore" He pulled my arms from around his neck and pushed me back gently. "I'm sorry, I didn't come over for this. I came over for my keys. I lost the key to my truck and I always had a spare in the garage" I was astonished that he had pushed me off of him, he never turned me down. "Are you really telling me no for her!" My eyes were full of tears, I didn't care about pride anymore, I needed him to understand. "Yohan we've been together since we were kids! It hasn't always been bad times. We can get pass this" He looked away from me and I saw the lone tear strolling down his face so I pushed more. "Baby we can....we can get past this. We can go to therapy, we can move to another state, whatever you want to do! Just tell me what you want." "Ky" "No! Tell me what you want baby!" "I want her." It felt like someone dropped a bowling ball on my heart. "I'm not trying to hurt you, but we can't continue like this. We'll always resent each other, things are different now." I saw now, there was nothing more that could be done and I couldn't blame anyone but myself. I lost a great man and I had to live with it. "She makes you happy?" I croaked not knowing if I really wanted the answer. "She does" He whispered while rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you love her?" I smiled although tears were running down my face. "Kiyanna I don't think it's a good- I put my hand up. "How can I let you go if I don't know if you're going to someone you love" "I do. I do love her" He nodded his head and I automatically closed my eyes. It definitely felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. "I'm sorry" He mumbled. "Don't be, I let you get away. I'm happy you're getting everything you've wanted. Can....can I see your daughter?" His face lit up like a Christmas tree then and he pulled the phone out of his pocket. He watched my face before he unlocked it and I appreciated his consideration. "It's okay, let me see her" He slid the phone next to me and I bit my lips to keep the tears in. "Her eyes....she has your eyes....." I looked at his, the originals and they were blue. "She's gorgeous......looks just like her mother" He nodded his head, same goofy grin. "Yeah she only got my eyes." We stood there in awkward silence and I stood on my tippy toes to give him a hug.....give us both closure. I held him close to me and I heard him sniffing. I pulled back from him, our faces still wet with tears. "Don't teach her how to make my damn meatloaf, I know when someone is copying my recipe!" We both shared a laugh and it was easy....didn't feel forced. Once he reminded me about the keys I ran in to get them from the garage "Ouch" I heard my sister whisper as I pushed the door on her barefoot. "Stop being so nosy" I called while opening the garage door. I turned on the light and a feeling of sadness swept my entire body as I saw all of his tools and the very first car he bought. 1984 Mustang. I ran my hand over the hood over the car and blushed as I remembered how many times we had sex in this car. "It's been real" I whispered to myself and grabbed the spare key off of the shelf.
"What happened?" Jai asked as soon as he pulled off. "It's over....we're over" Jai let me lay on her shoulder and quite naturally the tears came but I smiled because he was happy and he deserved happiness.