What A Secret Looks Like | ✓

05: tessa

The extensions added to my hair for the show were longer than my hair was before, hitting the middle part of my back. The only reason they're still in my hair is because the show I have next week in Spain is for the same brand, and they've requested that my hair be this length. The same show that I'm going to try and resign after because I know the company head will be there.

Grayson sent me the address earlier, but I can't bring myself to actually go in. Not after seeing Sephine forced to explain herself on national television because of her history as an addict. A history that I held against her seven years ago in an attempt to get her to stay away from Hayes. I forced so many things to happen when I exposed her secret. I don't know how she could forgive me, but she did and they ended up together anyway.

Except all today did was drudge up the past for me. Almost everything that happened to the three of us could have been avoided if I'd never let my own insecurities take over my emotions.

But if Hayes finds out what happened between Grayson and I, I know how he would react. Just like how I know it'll tear their friendship apart. I mean what are the odds that two of my one night stands have been with Hayes's best friends? What does that say about me?

I feel like one of the large statues you see all the time all over the world; an eye passing over will only see the beauty on the outside. When it's approached, you can look closer. The chinks in the armor become more noticeable, the flaws become more noticeable. The perfect becomes imperfect, and then it's seen for what it really is: a mistake.

I'm not quite sure if my choices are the mistakes, or if I'm the mistake. Maybe it's just both.

Maybe this decision is a mistake, but I can't go into that restaurant. Grayson seems like a great guy, but we both know that Hayes wouldn't be okay with us being friends. Not after what happened with Cam in high school. The sad part is, I don't know if I can be just friends with Grayson. It's smarter to walk away.

I put my hands into the pockets of my jacket, walking the opposite direction of the restaurant as my hair rustles in the breeze. I'm doing what I should have done years ago.

"What's wrong?" Hayes asks shutting the door to rest his hands on my hips and I step back crossing my arms over my chest.

"Who was that?" I'm being entirely irrational but maybe I'm not?

The smile on his face fades, "Are you talking about Sam?"

I wonder what my dad's mistress's name is.

My arms are tight around me like they're trying to trap the secret of my dad's affair inside of me, "She was all over you," I can't help but point out feeling my blood boil at the thought of it.

"So what if she was? I didn't do anything which I'm sure you know considering you were clearly standing there watching me," He replies bluntly and I bite my inner cheek so hard that I'm sure it's bleeding.

"But you didn't do anything to stop it either!"

Hayes runs his hands down the front of his face, "What is this really about? We haven't fought about this in at least two months so what changed with tonight?"

Yeah. It's bleeding. "Hayes, this is about the fact that you love the attention you get from other girls! You don't push them away, you smile and start a conversation with them, making them think they have a chance."

"You're being fucking ridiculous Tessa, I'm not going to cheat on you as I've told you every goddamn time we have this fight." I'm sure that's what Dad thought when he married Mom. Yet here we are.