UnPretty Thoughts: The Leader [ Namjoon x Reader ]

Reflection

She is the sun.

How ridiculous that line used to sound to him. Who was Romeo kidding when he thought it up? That guy was as fickle as the moon, always changing his thoughts and actions; loving Rosaline and then abandoning that so-called love as soon as he set his sights on Juliette. And three days later he dies for his so-called love. Namjoon always wondered what sort of feeling that foolish guy could have felt to do such a thing after only three days.

Now he knew. He could feel it too. Though it had grown a lot slower than just a mere first sighting to three day devotion. It didn't burn that chaotically. Instead it filled his sight first. The way she had smile. The way she had moved. Then it rang inside his head like the sound of her laugh or the gentle sigh that fell when she had no customers to serve.

Then it filtered through his veins, warming him to ridiculousness when he thought she might have looked his way. And finally he found himself being beckoned and called to sit in the same spot at the park any chance he was able. To have a regular order at the coffee shop close to her work. To wander in on days she was working just to be close to her for a minute.

He felt ridiculous as the school boy he had been had thought Romeo sounded. And then he had spoken to her. His heart still fumbled clumsily when he thought about the first time he had gotten enough nerve up to talk to her.

Namjoon hadn't spoken intimately to any girl since his last girlfriend before he had become famous. And that felt like a century ago. They talked about books. Shows. Music. Art. Food. They joked around a little, then teased one another like two kids on the playground.

He had spoke to his own personal sun and realized that was exactly what she was to him. The park made him reflect on all the thoughts that pour endlessly through his head, but when he slowly started to talk to her, she always unknowingly countered the darker ones.

"Is it strange that I always feel alone, even when I am with my friends?" He had asked one day. She turned to him in surprise, but then turned thoughtful. It had only taken her a moment to think about it.

"It's not strange at all," she said, brushing her fingertips absently over her brow, "Everyone feels like that. The important thing to do is to focus on the more positive side. Like fighting the loneliness with positive facts."

"What do you mean?" Namjoon asked a bit baffled that afternoon. He had been sleep deprived from jet lag after returning from one of BTS's shorter tours. She smiled at him and he felt the tension inside melt away.

"Simple," she held up an index finger like a professor or teacher from an anime, making him grin, "You have friends! That is pretty darn great. I mean you travel all the time and have a scary intense schedule. Imagine if you were a solo singer and didn't have your friends with you. I bet you'd feel ten times more lonely... I bet lots of solo singers feel really isolated..." She gazed off for a moment, giving him time to etch her features in his mind.

Suddenly she jumped up from the bench and let out a little shout. "AAAH!" She suddenly shouted and shook her head a bit, while wiggling about. Namjoon almost jumped out of his skin from the surprise.

"Wh-What?!" Namjoon scrambled up to her, worried something might have scratched or bit her. He blinked rapidly and fluttered nervously around her, searching for any rouge bug or animal that might have caused the commotion. But she was fine. In fact, she laughed and made a show of shaking and shimmying about. Now he was seriously confused.

"Don't let the sad thoughts get you, Namjoon!" She laughed, "Fight them with positivity facts!" She grabbed his hands and tried to get him to shimmy and shake too. Unable to help himself, he burst out laughing at the silliness and her all-too sudden delivery of it. "It is sunny! It is bright! The air feel nice and cool! Laughing with friends is great! Singing is the best!" She jostled him by the hands and he laughed a little more, feeling lighter and a little less weighed down.

"You're a weirdooo!" He whined jovially, feeling like a little kid as she wiggled and tugged on him. He laughed and she laughed too.

"No more gloomy gussying!" She chirped throwing her hands up, "We are tough! We are strong! We can do anything!"

"Yaaa~ You're too looooud!" He snorted and threw his arms around her to try and stop her wiggling. The old ladies walking by tittered and whispered, making his ears turn red. He separated himself quickly and shyly rubbed the back of his neck.

"You're very smart, Namjoon, but sometimes smart people get lost in heads," she put either hand on his cheeks, forcing him to look down at her, "It is okay to feel down sometimes. You can't help that. But you can try to fight the deeper, more troubling thoughts by reminding yourself of the positive truths in life."

She smiled and he felt himself burn. "You're talented, you're kind, you can do anything."

Rubbing his chest a bit as his heart pounded, Namjoon felt his ears go red again just like they had the afternoon she had said those words. Little by little, talking to her and getting to know her, he supposed they would call one another a friend.

But today was the day. Today he would ask her for just a little more. Or maybe it was a whole lot more. Either way there was no room for doubt or hesitation. She had seen him at his low point before, deep in the murky waters of a depressed haze. But he was stronger now.

And he could do this.

A smile slipped over his lips, dimples pressing in on his cheeks.

"Ready or not, here I go."

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Writer's Note: How was the beginning? Is it too short or too wordy? Any comments are a blessing! If you are reading this: I 💜 you