UnPretty Thoughts: The Leader [ Namjoon x Reader ]

Reassurance

What should he say? The small meeting Jin had called for in the living room ended. Everyone was tasked with putting their more... sensitive items away in their closets where they wouldn't have to worry about the newly dubbed 'Sunshine' accidentally getting into them. When she did laundry their, erm, delicates would be in mesh bags, just like when they had used laundromats as trainees. The clean clothes she'd fold and would be set in their rooms for them to put away.

It was a good plan. Namjoon had gotten a bit flustered when the guys had teased him about being overly protective of Sunshine's room being off limits though. He couldn't help it. It had just been an instinctual reaction. The guys were like his brothers for life, but he didn't like the idea of any of them being alone with her. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone being with her like he had... He'd really have to watch those sort of feelings.

But thinking about how they had been alone made his body tense with that molten heat of wanting all over again. It just seemed to grow inside of him. From the moment inside the car, to the one in the bedroom... And then when he had lost restraint and kissed her, however chastely, in the kitchen. He wanted more.

The kiss. He had almost done a whole lot more. She hadn't pushed him away or made any movements of protest. Instead it almost had felt like she melted into him. Had he let it go on for longer than that quick gentle moment, she might have held onto him. Though whether through a need to steady herself from the surprise or from willingness, he still wasn't sure.

But he was going to find out. Namjoon clenched and unclenched his hands with nervous energy. He felt the need to just do something. Already his head was filling with ways to convince her to stay by his side. One tiny kiss to a few more. Sweet words to something a bit more suggestive. He was desperate to secure them both together. With his schedule and with her plans, it maad ehim feel like the clock was ticking.

Even still... His fingertips ached in want of touching her, even if it was just to trail across her cheek. Namjoon wanted to pull her against him, feel how her body would lean into him and how her scent would envelop his senses. In his mind he could see how she might give over everything to him, trust him with her body, her safety, her thoughts, her desires, her fears...

He was hungry for her. It was mortifying. Namjoon never felt so guilty and shameful. She was his friend, not just some fantasy for his thoughts to feature! If only she could agree to be so much more... Rubbing his hand over his face, he decided a bath might be able to cure him of his less than pretty mindset. His Sunshine resting her cheek on his knee... Her eyes fixed up on him... Her lashes brushing over blushing cheeks... Her dreamy slight smile as he-

Stop. Suffering like this is what he had been doing since the week after he had met her. And it was only getting worse. He wasn't...normal in his desire. Yes, he wanted her to be the strong and independent and clever woman she was, but he also wanted the honor of being the person she handed all things over to in their moments alone together. To be the one who made it so she didn't have to worry about the burdens of adult living and could just be. Namjoon wanted to be trusted to take care of everything for her, even if it was just behind a closed door.

A closed locked door. Sound proof too. Perhaps, if she did accept him the way he hoped she might, she'd understand that most of their...activities should take place in his studio to keep from disturbing the others... Ah, suddenly his clothes felt uncomfortable.

Namjoon grabbed a towel and his sleepwear. Right. There was also the others to worry about. That was a little issue. He'd have to talk to each of them too. He didn't want to hide anything from them. They were like family. Yoongi sort of already knew but every single one of them deserved hear him plead his case.

He needed her. He felt like he was drowning in loneliness and it was clawing at the back of his lungs every time the sun set. He didn't want to die old and alone. Namjoon felt very tired... So much had happened today. So many good things had happened. But it was his mind that kept tumbling with worried thoughts of everything that might happen that wore him out.

"Hey, Namjoon," a low voice brought him out of his head.

"Yo, Yoongi, what's up?"

"Mind filling me in?" The short hyung with the very large and intense presence tilted his chin up. His voice was low and while most might think he was being aggressive, concern was the only thing Namjoon saw on the older guy's face. After living together for so long, he knew Yoongi far better than anyone else.

"Sure, man," he gave him a tired smile, "Just let me take a bath first? It's been a busy day." Yoongi looked at him for a while. Namjoon just waited. Finally Yoongi nodded once and looked down the hall. It was like the other guy saw everything he needed to see with Namjoon having to say anything.

"Yeah, I kind of thought that was the deal," the older guy said in his low husk voice, "Just hope you've thought this whole thing through... We've worked hard to get here. I understand how you feel but..."

"I've work it out, hyung," Namjoon said quietly but serious and sincere, "I just hope you'll back me up like always. Keep me clear-headed and grounded." Yoongi looked at him with those sharp cat-like eyes. Namjoon hardly ever called him 'hyung' unless he was gravely serious or required to for a show. They were as close as blood-brothers. They didn't need cold formalities.

"I've always got your back, Joon," he said firmly, using the nickname to try and gentle the mood, "I'm just worried about you getting hurt... With all the celebrities coming out with relationships in the media these days, I think we as a group can handle it. But you... You have a soft heart, ya know?"

"Yoongi," Namjoon gave the older boy a smile, "I don't want to be without her." The older boy looked up at Namjoon, searching his face with that analytical gaze. Then he nodded as if wherever he saw there met with his approval.

"Always thought one of the younger ones would be the first to fall," Yoongi smirked then walked by, patting his friend on the shoulder, "Just don't get stupid, yea?" Namjoon chuckled.

"Yeah, I won't get stupid," he huffed, "IQ of 148, remember?" Yoongi laughed quietly and waved, going to his room. Namjoon felt oddly reassured. If hard-shelled Yoongi could understand, the others would too right? With a nod to himself, he went to main bathing room. Everything was going to be alright. He could feel it.