How gay- I mean how may I help you?

Please Kiss Me

Jasper

Oh god, oh lord. I was falling head over fucking heels with this boy.

And I barely know him. 

What the fuck is wrong with me. Just seeing him makes me smile. At least I didn't cry in his arms last night. That would've been so embarrassing I wouldn't of been able to recover. Like I did cry, but not in his arms, if that makes any sense.

I help Lucas up and take him back to my car and our clothes, making sure to help him get dressed. With all the adrenaline and fear that he died, I forgot to even look at his beautiful body. 

I look over at him in the car and smirk at him, making him blush lightly and look away. 

We drive for awhile, me not having any clue where we are going, until I finally speak up, "Thank you."

Before he replies I'm hoping he doesn't make a joke out of it, I don't say 'thank you'. I don't open myself up to people. The last two times I tried that....

"Jasper," my heart jumps at that. Just a whisper, a feather of my name. Falling from his lips, "You're welcome."

I watch his lips form into a smile and then look back at the road. I can tell he's shaking, I was too the first time I jumped off a cliff, so I take his hand. 

Weak. "-Isn't worth it"

I remember what Trick said about me to Lucas and suddenly get an overwhelming feeling to let go of Lucas' hand. So I do.

I'm not looking at Lucas, but I hear his sigh. He seems... frustrated, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I leave it be. We've argued enough the past few days, then, "It's just- are we still doing this?"

"Doing what?" I retort. 

"This. Fighting. You pulling away from me. Acting like you can't be open around me."

For a moment I realize Lucas doesn't know. He doesn't know about what Kelly did to me. Or how my dad really didn't want me and how much his words that day in his guest room really got to me. How much I really do want to have sex with him but I am scared. How I lied about the last time I had sex, when really I'm a virgin. How my mom's aunt was the only person that accepted I was gay. How every time I look at my aunt I just think of my mom, and that's a reason I'm always alone at the cabin. How he's really the only one that I can breathe around whe-

"Seriously? Say something," he interrupts my thought process.

But I don't, and I decide to pull up to my aunt's house instead. My cousins are here because they graduated from college and their school is out early. But I know they'll like Lucas, so I don't think much of it. I get out of my Mustang and go open Lucas' door before he can. He ignores me and my hang that I held out for him and just heads into my house. 

I go into my house behind him and hear my aunt call from the kitchen, "Not going to school today?" 

"No tía, I have my friend over too so we'll be up in my room."

She doesn't reply and I decide she understands how I'm feeling. It's always been like that with my aunt and I. At my mom's funer-

"Want to go up to your room?" Lucas questions.

I just nod and head up to my room. It's dark and depressing and I kind of feel judged as Lucas comes in. But he just flops down on my unmade bed and I feel myself relax. 

I light a candle so I don't have to uncover my blanketed windows or turn on any lights before going to lie next to Lucas. He's staring up at my ceiling, which is covered with black light paintings.