How gay- I mean how may I help you?

Where Are You

Lucas

Where are you?

I don't know if I breathing. But all I can do is stare at my phone.

Where are you?

Where am I? Where am I?

I begin to type:

I haven't heard from you in-

But then I stop, it's not what I want. I erase and try again.

I miss you where have yo-

No not that. I don't want him to know I'm worried, that I'm losing my mind, none of that. I just want to know without letting him know.

I'm in bed

I've been staring at or thinking about his text for over an hour, fighting everything in me that said "text back right away! Tell him you love him! Tell him to come and fuck you and kiss you!"

Except I know that isn't how this needs to go.

My phone goes off and my heartbeat picks up again.

Good, I'm coming over

No I don't want you here

Sounds like a you problem

That pisses me off more than the ignoring me part.

Soon there's a knock at our door and this time I don't jump up, because I'm terrified of seeing him and what he looks like.

What if he's going to tell me there's someone else? What if he hates me? What if he went to find himself and realized he didn't want me?

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?

There's a knock at my door now. I was too distracted by my own thoughts and now he's outside my door and I have no fucking clue what to do.

"Lucas, if you don't open the door I'll knock it down."

I'm not gonna lie, just hearing his voice kinda turned me on.

"It's unlocked," I strain out, trying, and failing, to sound normal. 

He opens the door and I try really hard not to close my eyes.

But it's only him, except with longer hair, and his green eyes are more beautiful (if that's even possible) and I really want to kiss him.

"I'm sorry," he says cooly.

I stand up before him. Staring into his eyes, now pissed because I remember everything. I remember the pain.

I go to throw a punch but he catches it and somehow I'm turned around with my arm in his grasp and his hips against mine.

"At least let me explain Bea-"

"No you do not get to call me that. You've been gone for months!" I'm holding in tears and I'm actually really glad he turned me around because now he won't know.

"Lucas..."

"No you don't get to do that... you don't get to-"

"Lucas. My phone broke and-"

"Bullshit!" I struggle against his hold.

"And I... I needed time-"

"From me!? Are you fucking serious?"

"No! Not from... not just you. From everyone."

"It's gonna take a lot more than an apology to make up for this."