Words from my Heart

I Remember The Past

   I remember the past?

Oh, what do I remember about the past?

I’m still thinking of it. Hamm……. The past is the last couple of hours passed by, days gone by, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia, eras, all things that already happened. But why can’t I remember the something, though I’m not a victim of amnesia or something like memory loss of an ageing person?

Maybe I just really don’t want to remember the past, my past because of so much pain it caused me, so much tears I cried, so many hardships and struggles I faced.

Maybe all of these caused me to forget about my past. It’s not literally I forgot. It’s just that I don’t really want to. But if this will keep me face the reality, I will remember the past.

It’s me with my one and only parent, my mom.

The only one who protects me, cares for me, loves me from the very start of my life.

She’s the only one, no one else, only her; because a reckless father of mine abandoned us.

I admit I’m bitter, had been bitter and will always be bitter about it,

‘cause I never experienced in my whole life a care of loving father or just a sit on his lap,

a tickle of his hand on my tummy,

a family day with him,

there’s nothing remarkable about him except for his irresponsibility.

He doesn’t even know how to spell my name,

the date of my birth,

how old am I or if I already have a crush on someone.

He does know nothing about me.

And there’s another thing for my bitterness, he’s the reason for our economical status now. If only he’s by our side I know for sure we will not experience this. We’re suffering a very hard time; I am not looking for the material wealth if that’s what others might think.

But I am, we are and I know many other people are looking for-

RESPECT,

just a simple respect; respect to live are own lives,

respect of what we are,

respect what we come up with.

We don’t choose to be like this but this is what had given us and we’re nothing against or complain regarding this, because this is what He gave us..

all I ever wanted is to live a simple life as possible.

But with people around, let’s face the truth, they only look for what you have in order that they can respect you which is my greatest complain in my entire life.

Most of the people are looking only for richness of money and the things it can buy. They are not looking for how beautiful that person would be if he/she will only be given a chance.

These things are my reasons that are why I don’t want to remember and to talk about the past. But I realize that these things actually done something for me aside from the pain, hurt, hardships and suffering.

These things I want to bury under the depths of hatefulness are the things actually made me for what am I now. And what am I now? I can say I’m stronger now. I’m more mature on thinking about life. I’m more optimistic to everything that’s happening around. And my greatest achievement out of it is to be happy and enjoy my life the way it was and finally to forgive and move on. So by now,

I can say:

“I Remember the Past”.