Kiss the Rain

Everything Changes

Voices; The sound of people speaking in hushed tones echoes all around me. I wish they would be quiet and let me rest, I feel so tired and weak.

After a while the voices dissappear and I'm left with darkness and silence.

My eyes feel heavy. I've tried to open them but it's as though they have been glued shut, no matter how much I will it, they won't move. However, after what feels like an eternity I'm finally able to slowly pry them open.

The first thing that I notice is the colour white. Everything is white, the wall opposite me, the sheets that lay spread across my body, the curtain set to the left hand side of my bed. It's all white. The intensity of the colour stings my eyes as they come into focus and the pounding in my head increases slightly.

The room is empty.

Along with the white interior a strong, piercing smell fills the room and a beeping noise to the right side of me is coming from a small square box with different numbers and letters on it.

Why am I in hospital? With tubes that seem to be pumping fluid into the back of my hand? What happened? I think and think but my head hurts and I feel tired, my limbs are weak and my throat is dry and scratchy.

A young woman in a soft blue nurse outfit stops at the entrance of the room, her head facing downwards concentrating on a small rectangle clipboard. From the way her eyes widen, her eyebrows rise and her mouth forms a small 'o' shape when she lifts her head from the board to look at me, it's obvious she was not expecting me to be awake. Staring at me in shock for another small moment she rushes out of the room.

Where is she going? Isn't she supposed to rush to my side and ask if I'm ok? That's what I'd expect with my knowledge of hospital scenes in films.

Before I can continue the debate in my head the young women returns, this time with company. An older looking woman follows the nurse into the room while carrying a small plastic cup. She walks ahead and comes to stand by my side and gives me a small, comforting smile. The woman has short, cropped blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. The only jewellery she appears to be wearing is two silver rings worn on her left hand. Her face is free of make-up and her teeth seem as white as the rest of the room.

"Hello, Adelina. How are you feeling?" She looks at me expecting an answer but my throat is still as dry as a desert and when I try to reply the words stick and all that seems to come out is a small breath.

Understanding my dilemma, the older woman takes the plastic cup she was carrying and hands it to me, instructing me to take small sips.

Immediately my throat feels relaxed. The cold water runs soothingly down my throat and the dryness dispenses bit by bit. Knowing I'll be able to talk once again I sit the now empty cup down on the table to my left and look up to meet the older woman's gaze.

"I... I'm feeling quite weak, but other than that I'm ok, I guess." I give a small half smile and she returns the gesture.

"I expect you would feel weak. Before we continue Adelina, I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Doctor Smith. I've been the one looking after you during your time here." She nods in the direction of the young nurse behind her standing beside the curtain. "That is Nurse Blake; she has also been looking after you. She gives daily checks and makes sure you are as comfortable as you can be." I glance toward Nurse Blake and give her a smile in thanks. She simply nods.

The doctor continues to speak. "Do you remember why you are here Adelina?" She asks.

"No, I don't."

"This may be hard to hear and I really wish I didn't have to tell you but you were in a car crash Adelina."

As she says it, I start to remember and like an elastic band the memory bounces back in place. Of course! Lewis' hand! The red truck! Oh no, what about my family?

"Yes, I remember now. My family were going out for dinner. Dr Smith, what happened to my brother? Is my mum and dad ok?" My hands have suddenly started shaking and my headache from earlier makes an unwelcome appearance. The doctor's facial expression stays blank but her eyes shine through with pity and despondency.

"I'm really sorry Adelina. I'm really sorry. You have to realise your parents, they were in the front. They took most of the blow from the crash. You were very lucky." She still hasn't told me if they're ok and my patience is thinning.

"Please tell me they're ok." I try so hard to keep my voice confident and to not let it crack, but my doubt is obvious in the wavering it emits.

"Lewis - your brother - is in good condition. He has been sent to live with a friend until you were to wake. He won't leave your side! As much as we try we just can't make him take a break. The only time he's not here is at night. He's a very charming young man and also very lucky." My relief is visible as my shoulders relax and my body feels some what liberated from the build up of anxiety I was experiencing. Then I realise she still hasn't mentioned my parents.

"Thank god! I'm very happy and relieved he's ok. However Dr, you still haven't mentioned my parents." I don't even realise my voice getting louder.

Doctor Smith hesitates and looks at the wall opposite her, her eyebrows moving to form a frown, little lines appearing on her forehead.

"DR SMITH! TELL ME ABOUT MY PARENTS!" My patience is gone. Out of the corner of my eye I see Nurse Blake flinch and stare at her hands as she fidgets.

After waiting a lifetime the Doctor returns to look into my eyes, her own dripping with despair. "They did not live through the crash Adelina. Your father was in critical condition, he passed away almost instantly and your mother passed away during surgery."

My first thought is that this is some sort of sick joke. My mum and dad aren't gone. However, looking into the eyes of Doctor Smith I know she's speaking the truth.

They can't be! I need them. I'm only fourteen for goodness sake! Who will look after me and Lewis? What will we do?

I sit quietly staring at the white wall in front of me. It is as blank as my emotions seem to have become. My whole body feels numb.

"Oh and Adelina, I know this is a lot to take in at the moment. No one at your age... no one at all should have to go through this but I have to tell you one more piece of information." I keep my expression the same and do not turn to face her but only nod in response.

"You have been in a coma for 2 months. The crash happened 23rd March 2012; the date today is 15th May 2012." My eyes fly to her, then to Nurse Blake. She gives a sad smile when she sees me look in her direction and the only thing that comes to mind is that I missed my 15th Birthday.

"Happy birthday to me." I mumble as I turn on my side. Ignoring the 2 women standing behind me in the room, I cry. Cry the hardest I have ever cried in my life. I feel empty, emotionally and physically drained. I have no parents - my 10 year old brother has no parents. I'm only 15, how will I take care of him?

The door in the room clicks and I realise the woman have left and I cry into my pillow, my breath catching every now and again. Before I know it, I'm screaming. It feels good to let some of the grief escape.

The temperature in the room seems to have dropped and all of a sudden I feel cold, as if I'm sitting in a bath of ice. Gripping tighter onto the sheets, I close my eyes willing myself to sleep.