Reincarnation. Book 1.

Part 11. Lost in your eyes.

Pale white skin. Covered in sin. His eyes penetrate my soul, his smile, he can't hide, that sick, sadistic grin. Come play with my heart. I knew from the start, they warned me not to do it, not to fall in love with a beast. I never listened, our love though frowned upon, is magic, pure, raw, dark passion, intense... You made me feel like I had been loved by all the wrong people, I wanted you just as much as you wanted me. Our passion was subliminal, the darkness in you was perfect for me. We all have a dark side and you amplified mine. Two separate entities infused as one but I knew and I still let you in. I still let you win. Loving, yet so brutal. I'd love to say the feeling was mutual. But I wasn't the one who ripped you apart. I should have known better. I wrote it all down in this story. This story you will never read, with all the things I should have said. Now I'm stuck replaying the scenes in my head. You got off easy I should have been the one who left before I was so broken, I should have left you broken instead.

Amazed. Overwhelmed. Peace. Fear. Home. I didn't know what to think. Kitchen, one living room, one bedroom, and an office/music/tv room,- he calls it, playroom. There were knives, swords, and blades on the walls, skeleton heads everywhere, animals skins, different guns, machetes. I felt like I walked into a horror movie. Pictures of the grim reaper. Two big cow heads on the wall. Is he in some kind of a cult? I felt like I should be fucking running for my life right now, but I didn't. I felt cosy, peace. An electric guitar hanging on the wall. Then I saw four aquariums.
"Hel', meet Belial, Shiva, and Bunny" he introduced the snakes, in the fourth aquarium was a fucking huge spider. I have feared spiders my whole life and never been this close to one. But this thing was a tarantula.

"Liam..." I felt my voice stutter. "That's a fucking big ass spider"
"Oh yeah, meet the house mama, Chevron aka. Chevy the Queen." He smirked. I looked at it. The size of my hand, all hairy but harmless. She just sat there, looking back at me.
"When I look at her, I can't help to wonder, why did I fear spiders?" I was honestly confused.
"Well, what I know is that it comes from childhood. Did your parents fear spiders?" He asked. I nodded.
"My mom"
"Well, there you go. It's all just a mind-fuck. In your mind, it was a connection, with your mother, something in common." He replied. It made sense. I have always liked bugs, so for me, to be scared of spiders was weird. What was happening? How did he do that? It took one stranger to take away a lifetime of fear from me. It's surreal.
"What's the deal with you? You are something different, that's for sure." I asked.
"There is no deal with me. I have a different view of life and on people." He left for the bedroom and came back without a shirt, passing by me to the kitchen. Eyes gazed out the window. His mind was far. I can't help to notice how sad he was. What happened to him?

It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe, that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushed us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.

He grabbed two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and walked to the playroom.
"You promised a drink with me." He waved with a bottle of Jack. I smiled and walked to him. He gave me a glass.
"Jack Daniel's has helped me through a lot of shit and now, brought a beautiful creature into my life. I'm looking forward, what else." I said, biting my lower lip while admiring the view. Both of us smiling. Turned my back on him and looked around a little more. On the wall was a picture of an animal. As I was studying the picture, I felt arms slipping around me.
"Do you see?" He whispers into my ears. His sexy voice, his scent, feeling his breath on my neck. Chills again. Focus Hel'.

"A female wolf, whose eyes are so sad, filled with sorrow and pain. Crying for help." As I spoke, he squeezed me tighter.
"She was my first friend but got killed by an idiot." He said. The first dog, I know that feeling all too well. He continued. "I used to have a different fence around the yard, lower. That day Eeva got out, I was mowing the lawn, and had my earphones on, didn't notice a stray dog behind the fence. And because of that dog, Eeva is gone now. I should have paid more attention." Clear pain in his voice, I turned around, facing him.
"It's not your fault. You never know what could happen, but I do know how you feel. My first dog, Max, he got out also because he chased after another dog. We never found him. We just found blood traces on the road. I was 6 at the time but you see this scar here?" I pointed above my left eye, to a deep small scar-line. "This is how he is still with me." He kissed me on my forehead.