Reincarnation. Book 1.

Part 13. I got you.

Pain, emotional scars, someone please just rip out my heart, I don't want to feel anymore... No more hate, rage. Just nothing, I want to feel nothing... you make my skin crawl... feels like a thousand of bugs running over my skin... I feel disgusted, I feel ill. You are like a disease that has infected my soul, tearing me into pieces, breaking me down until... I am nothing. Why don't you just take it, let me not feel... What the fuck is wrong with me? After all, you have done, I still care enough to not want to hurt you? I'm totally fucked up one complete disaster. I'm a mess one complete cataclysm. You may have ripped me apart, but I tore myself down even more. I just want this internal pain to end... I don't want to feel at all. I just want to be numb.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, so lost and confused. Anders still didn't understand what he had done. His face expression was so innocent like he hadn't done anything to deserve this right now.

"Anders, I know everything. You thought you "played" me but who ended up losing? I mean what did I lose? A boy that didn't appreciate what I did for him? What did you lose? A woman that would go out her way just to please you and someone that rode with you through thick and thin. A woman who loved you regardless of your flaws. Trust me, there was a lot. You can easily be replaced but a woman like me? Good luck finding a woman who would put up with all that shit you put me through. I'm sorry but you played your damn self." It felt fucking good to speak my mind. After everything. Tears. His. Not mine. Looking at him, I thought to myself "not this time Anders."
"Stop, please. Fuck, I hate when you cry, so fucking ugly and pathetic. Just stop. It won't change anything." I stood up from the bed. He followed me.

"What about our daughter huh? What are you going to tell her? Why we are over? She is not a baby anymore. She will hate you for it. Taking her daddy away from her." He snapped at me. I lost it.
"Are you serious right now? You're playing the child card again? How many fucking times have you threatened me with her? That you are gonna throw her out if I don't do this or that??" I screamed at him. "If she wants to hate me, let her. I can handle it. And you know why because she can't hate me more then I hate myself for putting up with you." I was so done with him. I don't understand what the fuck did I ever see in him. I went for a smoke.

Outside I called Liam and told him, it's done. "Come to me." He responded. I didn't get the chance to answer him, instead, I ended the call quickly because Anders was coming out. He crouched down, eyes glazed on me.
"Can we please, just try again? I'll do better." He begged.
"No," I answered, completely sure of myself.
"This is crazy," he said. "Why are you doing this? When you love someone, you don't just give up on them- you keep trying." Me? Keep trying? Was he serious?

"See that's your problem right there, " I told him. "you think that the definition of 'love' is staying by someone's side no matter how poorly they treat you or take advantage of you..." I stopped for a second, thinking about what I'd just said and it hit me, I remembered what Liam said to me.

"And you know what? Maybe that was my problem all along too... because I stayed with you through all of this shit and called it "love" over and over again. So actually, I'm going to apologize to you, for making you feel comfortable by always giving you another chance, so I can't even blame you." I was getting angry again. He still tried to make this on me. Like I was the reason we aren't working anymore.

"So that's it? We're done?" he asked.
"Yes. Tomorrow I'm going to move out. If you want to see our daughter, that's fine by me. If not, tell me and I'll handle the rest. I'm not going to let you play me anymore on my daughter." I told him wrapping our conversation to the end.
"And you expect me to still be in her life after you dump me over another?" And the cocky motherfucker was back.
"I don't expect anything. I told you. It's your choice. I'm going to pack." I went back inside, left him alone.