I'm only 14 (poetry book)

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(Made this in 8th grade)
(13 years old)
(I'm in 8th grade)
(I'm 13)
You where the only one who understood
You where one of my best friends
You where the one who truly cared
People would call me names
They would drain all the hopes I had
Then laugh
And laugh
Then
I just couldn't look in the mirror and think I was butiful
I couldn't draw without throwing my art in the trash
The only place where I felt welcomed was online
I hid my face behind a online profile
There where few comments
But they only told me things I already knew
"You can't spell."
Of course I don't, I'm dumb
I got followers
I got friends
I posted art
Books
Comments
Then you came along
You made me so happy
You where so bright
So kind
I gave you my number and we talked for hours
When you described yourself to me, I would picture you in my mind
The more we talked
The more I would see a glimpse
Of pure happiness
When you left, I was sad
But knew you would text back soon
You made me feel wanted
You made me smile
Through my phone screen
You wiped away my tears
We had the same interests
Same hobby's
I knew I shouldn't
That I just couldn't
But my heart dangerously jumped everytime you texted back
Every time you would say you missed me
Then you never picked up
I felt lonely
I had no one who cared
I had no one who loved me
I had no one to make me smile
You where gone
I cried
They laughed
I cursed
They pushed
I fell
They smiled
I cut
I bleed
I had no friends
I tried
But it wouldn't work
I couldn't jump
Then I met someone else
A real person
He was butiful
Funny
Perfect
You answered back
You really did
We talked
And laughed
I had a friend
And within a day
I lost you once again
I couldn't text you
I wanted to
But I couldn't
Mom was afraid I would meet the wrong person
And I knew if I tried to explain...
If I told her you where special
She wouldn't understand
I lost my friend
Maybe even for good
I couldn't trust anyone
Everyone would run away, call me names
And even the ones who stayed, they weren't special like you
Then...
They pulled my hair
Pushed me against the wall
Others called me names
Ugly
Fat
Annoying
Wasteful
Trash
Lesbian
Disgusting
It hurt more then the pain
Everything just hot worse
The boy I liked
He changed
said it was my fault
I said sorry
He spread rumors about me
I said sorry again
He told my friends
I said sorry
He forgave me
But my friends didn't
None of my classmates beloved me
He got to them first
Be for I could explain
Without you
it wasn't the same
I didn't have you to make me smile
So I frowned
I didn't have you to dry away my tears
So I cried all night
I didn't have anyone to compliment me
So I always thought I was ugly
I lost my best dreams
I don't want to lose you anymore
I can't forget you
Your not only my best dreams
But so much more
Or
At least to me
I don't want to hurt myself anymore
I don't want to cry
But your so far away
I read through our old massages
I thought I would feel happy
But it wasn't the same
I just cried
That's when I realized what was wrong
I
Loved
You
I shook my head franticly
Over and over
It couldn't be
But I know my heart doesn't skip beats just for anyone
I just had to accept it
I liked you more then I should of had
Then
a boy
a different boy
He grabbed my shoulders
He sat next to me
Too close to me
He grabbed my art book
"Is this your diary?"
I didn't like him
He knew nothing about me
Then school
Test after test
Six pages notes to study
Sixty words to remorse
five essays to turn in this week
I couldn't take it
I had a panic attack
I don't like him
I can't do all this work
I like her
I can't do this
I can't do this
I can't do this
I must end this
Just jump
End it
Game over
"Leslie, your having a panic attack!"
I couldn't control these thoughts
I couldn't breath
"Breath"
I can't
What if she doesn't like girls
"Breath in, breath out."
What if she has a boyfriend
I couldn't
What if you don't love me back
I cried
And cried
What if you think I'm ugly
"You need to breath, calm down"
the more I think about it
The more my heart breaks
I just wanted a Friend
And when I finally got one
I had to let go
reading old texts
It makes me cry
Yet I keep reading everything bubble toy sent me
Every one I sent you
Its unhealthy
I'm slowly roting away inside
Its so bad
But I can't
Can't let go
I think about you
Think about a day we might meet
Think about what your doing
are you thinking about me
Maybe not
Do you remember me
Probably not
Do I still have a bit of feelings for you
Just a little
...
Many more then a little