"Because of last night you think you have feelings for me?" I asked, as his fingers slid out of my hair and his body pressed against mine. Moving forward as far as he could, he pinned me between his body and the countertop behind me. I moved my hand to his waist and traced my fingers along his jaw.
"No, this started months ago. I'm only just now deciding to tell you about it." He brushed a few strands of hair out of my face. Part of me wanted to kiss him, but the other part wanted to tell him how unfair, I thought it was for him to spring this on me after not speaking to me for months. He was breaking the rules. Rules that Jared himself made and so strongly stressed to me.
Before I could respond, his hand was pulling my leg up, wrapping it around his waist. Biting my neck softly, his lips moved along my shoulder. His teeth grazing my skin and making me forget why I was even angry to begin with. I knew that I wanted him, hell, who wouldn't? Our lips crashed together again and it was like fireworks going off.
My hands moved to his shoulders to steady myself as he lifted me onto the countertop. His lips were so soft and I watched his eyes close as he became lost in the passionate kiss. There was something so heavenly about this tender moment, but I was afraid, not afraid of him, but of getting hurt. Breaking away for air, I spoke. "I don't know what to say."
His fingers rested under my chin and he tilted my head back. "Just say how you feel." He responded between kisses. "You have to want more, Cas." He tugged at the strap of my white tank top, continuing to pepper kisses along my collarbone.
"I don't know what I want." I admitted, struggling to stay focused and fighting the urge to call him sir. He backed up to stare at me and I could already see the disappointment in his face. He was asking me to forget about the arrangement we've had for the past year and because he suddenly decided that he's ready for more. What about my feelings, don't they matter?
"What if I was the one who came to you and said that I had feelings for you? What would you have done?"
He glanced down and back up at me. "What difference does it make?"
Cocking my head to the side, I rolled my eyes. "You know that you would be angry. You probably wouldn't even want to see me anymore. Am I right?" I knew that I was and just wanted to leave. It was nice to have someone want to begin a relationship with me, someone who was really into me, but since it was Jared, it terrified me.
"No, you're not right. I'll admit, in the beginning I never wanted this, but I can't help how I feel Cassie. If you came to me with these feelings, I honestly don't know how I would have reacted." He lied right to my face, but I knew better, he would have kicked me to the curb so fast. "Don't you want more? You can't be happy with this situation forever, Cassie. Eventually, you will get sick of it."
I knew what he said made sense, but was I really ready for that change? I was scared of what would happen if I just went with it and didn't have the safety of our arrangement. What if things fell apart? It would never be the same again and I don't know if I was willing to risk it.
"Can I think about it, I asked, watching him realize that he wasn't going to get the answer he wanted. His entire expression changed and he looked defeated.
Kissing my shoulder one last time, he pulled the strap of my tank top back into place. "Sure, You can think about it. Take all the time you need." He didn't even try to mask the sarcasm in his voice. My feet slid down to the floor and watched him turn his back to me. Frustrated, I took a few steps and picked up my keys. "Cas, Wait." I stopped to look back in his direction and he sighed. "Don't keep me waiting long." He wouldn't even look me in the eye and I walked out, leaving him standing there.
